


let us go then, you and i

by onalona



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Because the Author is a Cheesy Sap, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous References to Eliot, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus just has prior misconceptions, Maybe Enemies is too strong a word, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:30:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onalona/pseuds/onalona
Summary: Magnus Bane's literal survival is rooted in achievement. With baggage to boot, he can't afford to underperform in college, and he certainly can't afford to miss any opportunity for extra credit. Even if that means that he's now stuck doing a joint lecture with just about the most confusing brunette boy Magnus has ever met.Or: Magnus and Alec meet, grow, and learn a little bit about life and each other, with the words of T.S. Eliot acting as their guide.





	1. the idea and the reality

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back,  
> Back again,  
> Lio's back,  
> Tell a friend.
> 
> Your friendly neighbourhood Malec sap is back, and let's just say that me trying to study Eliot for reals ended up with this idea. I'm going to warn you, this probably won't be as sappy as JMOY, but since I'm a cheesy sap by nature, there's still gonna be quite a bit of fluff, don't you worry ;)
> 
> (also I feel like JMOY had a larger focus on Alec so ofc, since I love both of them so much, I was like, yeet, lemme give Magnus some love)
> 
> So yeah, hope y'all enjoy my major procrastination project!  
> PS. idk how uni works, so if stuff is wrong, just make this a REALLY alternate universe in your head. And this won't have an update schedule bc life is hella busy rn, so whenever I can, I'll update :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alec Lightwood himself is already an enigma. ___
> 
> __College life, prior conceptions, and first meetings._ _

* * *

_between the idea_  
_and the reality_  
_between the motion_  
_and the act_  
_falls the shadow  
_ ****\- the hollow men** **

* * *

College is simultaneously the best and the worst place for Magnus Bane.

See, there’s a lot to the college experience that is far better than high school. The freedom associated with such a place. The ability to study things you’re genuinely interested in. The time, the space, and the facilities to do what you want. The chance to embrace being an adult.

But for someone like Magnus, there’s also the underlying pressure to perform. It’s ingrained in his very presence here at somewhere as expensive and prestigious as the University of Alicante. If he slips even a little, he risks getting his scholarship revoked and getting kicked out of the dorms here, and leaving him with no education and no accommodation.

And the other part of college that Magnus doesn’t appreciate is the scores of people that he sees every day, and yet feels so distant from. It’s not that he’s unpopular, per se. In fact, Magnus finds himself usually surrounded by quite an array of people on a day-to-day basis. The thing is that, in accordance with the superficiality of interactions surrounding assignments and the like, Magnus really doesn't have that many friends. Maybe part of that comes from the fact that he's usually skipping parties and such in favour of staying in his dorm and studying, or just surfing the internet and browsing Netflix.

It's hard to make meaningful relationships with all the baggage that Magnus has, and he's found that, during his time at college, he's mainly stuck with his three friends that he's known well, and who know all about him, since they were all children - Catarina, Ragnor and Raphael.

Now, the four of them sit on the lawn right next to the Arts building, soaking in the sun of the warm spring day. Cat’s currently talking about some crazy story from one of the nursing excursions to the hospital recently, but Magnus finds himself really not listening. It's easy for him to get lost in his own musings, enjoying the warmth of the day as he gazes out at the view of numerous other people, laughing and jumping and chatting about.

“Magnus,” the sound of his name snaps Magnus out of his thoughts, and he whips his head around to see Raphael glancing at him with no amusement in his gaze. Or maybe that's just due to the perpetual squint Raphael always has when he's outside. The man really needs to get out more.

“Yeah?” Magnus replies, ready to try and get himself back into the conversation. At that, Raphael just raises an eyebrow. He looks decidedly unimpressed, a frown forming on his face.

“Your phone's going off,” Raphael grumbles. The words register in Magnus’ head at the same time as he hears the blasting chorus of “God is a woman” being emitted from his phone. Almost a little sheepishly, Magnus digs the phone out of his pocket, glancing at the caller ID before tapping answer with a smile.

“Biscuit!” Magnus cheers in greeting when the call connects, scooting a little further away from the other three as  to not disrupt their conversation. He hears a small laugh on the other end.

“I still don't know where you got that nickname from,” Clary responds, chuckling. Magnus can practically imagine her rolling her eyes at him. Truth be told, even Magnus doesn't remember where the nickname came from, but he's used it so much by now that it just sticks.

“I can't believe you hacked my phone and changed your ringtone again,” Magnus sighs in exasperation, but there's a lightness to his tone. It's not like he could ever even come close to being legitimately mad at Clary.

Clary Fray. Practically Magnus’ own sister at this point. For years, Magnus has fallen back on Clary, as well as her mother, Jocelyn, and stepfather, Luke Garroway, when he's needed the support. On top of that, Luke is one of Magnus’ professors at Alicante as Magnus is studying a Bachelor of English Literature.

They're almost like his real family. There's no doubt in Magnus’ mind about that. They know about all the shit that's happened to Magnus, and yet they've never failed to be there for him.

“Don't you think the song suits me though?” Clary asks back jokingly. Magnus rolls his eyes, even though he knows Clary can't visualise him doing so.

“Humble as ever, I see,” Magnus drawls, voice dripping with sarcasm. At Clary's responding bark of laughter, Magnus clears his throat. “Ok seriously, what's up?”

“Alright, fine. Mom’s wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight. You know, for old time’s sake,” Clary informs Magnus. Magnus hums in response, already knowing the answer he'll give before the invitation has even fully registered.

“Can't. Sorry Biscuit, but I’ve got a couple of assignments due soon. Plus, we’re getting some Eliot work back today and I'm getting the feeling I flunked it,” Magnus explains, a little regret seeping into his tone.

Clary sighs loudly. “Knew you'd say that. But anyways, good luck with all your crap. And you're Magnus Bane. Your idea of flunking is getting below 90%,” Clary chuckles.

“Biscuit, you know why,” Magnus asserts, voice softening a little.

“Of course I do, Magnus,” Clary's sincerity shines in her voice, beyond the tinny overtones from the phone. “And don't worry. You probably smashed Eliot, and you'll smash whatever else comes your way.”

Magnus can't help the little smile that lights up his face as he hears the encouragement. “Thanks Biscuit. Love you.”

“Love you too, Magnus. See you,” Clary chirps back. And with that, she hangs up. Magnus shuts off his phone, glancing at the time before making a move to stand-up as he shoves his phone back into his pocket.

“Raph, come on. It's almost 1,” Magnus makes a move to bend down and try to pull Raph up, effectively interrupting whatever conversation had been transpiring between the three of them.

“I'm coming, I'm coming,” Raphael shrugs off Magnus’ hand before moving to stand himself. He makes a show of brushing off what looks like nothing to Magnus from his clothing, before glancing back down at Catarina and Ragnor.

“We’re off,” Magnus smiles, waving at the two of them. Raphael follows suit, and Catarina and Ragnor wave back before getting engrossed in some new conversation as Raphael and Magnus begin to walk away.

“When are those two going to stop being pining idiots and actually _do something?”_ Raphael asks in irritation as the two of them walk along the path weaving through the campus. Magnus just shrugs.

“Please, Raphael. The rate they're going, they'll be in nursing homes by the time they both realise they like each other,” Magnus laughs, hands sweeping out in his signature gestures as he walks and speaks. Raphael snorts at that, caught off-guard by the comment.

“Well, whatever,” Raphael hides his laughter with a cough, but Magnus notices the tell, the twitch of his mouth, that indicates Raphael’s amusement. Magnus doesn’t know how to respond to that, just hums to himself as the two of them reach their destination - one of the rooms that offshoot from the main area of the library. It’s small and sleek, with that ever-present smell of hand sanitiser staining the air as the two of them enter.

There’s not a large crowd here, but there never really is, and honestly, Magnus doesn’t mind too much. The LGBTQ+ society is fairly new at Alicante, only being founded by leaders (and girlfriends) Ollie and Sam two years ago. The two of them are standing near the whiteboard now, and promptly smile and greet Magnus and Raphael upon arrival.

Everyone is always so supportive and kind here. It's a far cry from what Magnus has faced in the past.

Magnus is always struck with such a sense of thankfulness that such a community exists. He’s seen so many people come out of their shell in this safe space, has met so many different people doing different degrees and from all different walks of life. It’s interesting, because for some people, Magnus knows he’d never meet them at all beyond this context. But here and now, it’s this overwhelming sense of solidarity that buoys Magnus to the moment, allows him to feel so much better about himself and his identity since he first came to Alicante.

The atmosphere is calming, sweet, as people talk about their week, share funny stories, and whatnot. Aline talks about coming out to her parents, to a round of sweet applause. Her girlfriend, Helen, kisses her on the cheek and holds her hand the entire time, a proud shining smile on her face as Aline speaks.

Times like this, when he sees such adoration shining in Helen’s eyes to her girlfriend as she speaks, makes Magnus feel a little wistful.

Magnus hasn’t been in a relationship for quite a while now. He had a girlfriend in his first year of university called Camille, and things had initially been pretty cool. But as the importance of his scholarship and his performance had been dangled in Magnus’ face, he’d been less and less present in their relationship. Maybe he’d grown too comfortable with the idea of her always being there.

Even now, Magnus seriously believes that he sort-of… fell out of love with Camille. Like he had been using the scholarship and all that as an excuse to not see her. But he also reckons that it ended up working both ways. Camille never actively fought for time together, and eventually, they just drifted apart.

He has enough self-awareness to know that, if he really had been in love with her, he would’ve made it work, even with all the importance he places on succeeding academically. Because, at the end of the day, Magnus has always been a romantic at heart.

Near the end of the session, Sam walks around and hands out some new pins to everyone. The pins are small and understated, just simple rainbow flag pins with silver accents, and Magnus notes the subtle glittery sheen over them. Magnus loves it.

“We put the glitter in just for you, Magnus,” Ollie chirps with a wink in Magnus’ direction. In response, Raphael just groans. Magnus just sticks his tongue out to Raphael upon hearing the sound, attaching the pin to the front of his pencil case.

All too soon, it feels like it’s finishing, Sam glancing at her watch and frowning at the small group of them as she tells them it’s time to wrap up.

“And remember, same time, same place, next week!” Ollie calls out as people say goodbye and begin to filter out. “And we’re taking our group photo for the posters next week, so come dressed as extra as you want to!”

Magnus nods to himself when he hears that, smirking wickedly as he and Raphael say goodbye and leave. Raphael rolls his eyes, his signature frown fixed on his face as they walk through the main area of the library.

“I assume you’ll follow Ollie’s advice?” Raphael asks in irritation. Magnus attempts to give him some sort-of side-eye in response.

“And I assume you’ll remain your drab self and turn-up in all black, as usual?” Magnus retorts, pouting down at Raphael as they exit the library, finding themselves once again bathed in warm sunlight as they begin to make their way to the northern lecture halls. “Come on, I would pay literal money to see you wearing the colours of the asexual flag. _Come on._ ”

“She said ‘as extra as you want to,’ and I don’t want any form of extra,” Raphael shrugs, seemingly content with his response. With that, he starts to veer away from Magnus as he waves. “See you.”

Magnus just groans, annoyed that Raphael managed to have the last word, but waves back nonetheless. “See you,” he parrots back, as he continues on his way to the main lecture hall. He’s got an English Literature lecture next, with Luke of all people, and he’s pretty sure that they’ll be getting back their essays on Eliot today.

Magnus hadn't been lying when he had told Clary that he thought he had flunked Eliot. But not for the reason she would think.

Magnus _loves_ T.S. Eliot. In fact, Magnus loves modernism in general. There's a deep-seated futility in Eliot's poetry that speaks to Magnus on a deep intrinsic level. Sentiments of listlessness, of disconnection, of sadness. It's crazy how well Eliot encapsulates that in his writing, and it's obvious that people like Magnus can relate to it even now, judging by how it's still being taught in schools and universities today.

But the fear of not doing well always lingers in Magnus’ mind, and it means that the fear of flunking always rears its head in times like this. One misstep, and he’s out of here. He really can’t afford it.

Some people would probably argue that Magnus’ standards are too high, and there are times where even he can admit this to himself. It’s a fine line to balance. He needs to have high standards, because his whole livelihood and education depends on it. But he also doesn’t want to offend someone with lower marks by bemoaning his own performance. It’s a fine line, teetering between keeping yourself in check but also trying not to make others feel bad.

It lingers in the corners of his mind constantly. A strange amalgamation of emotions, of fear, of worry, of restraint, that Magnus doesn’t know how to properly explain. It’s like a cyclical sense of guilt. If you don’t perform well, you feel guilty for not doing as good as you had hoped. But then, there are people who get angry, who say how they would kill for a mark like yours. And then, this feeds into a whole other kind-of guilt, creating a constant internal dialogue that continues to settle into Magnus’ soul, ever-present in his mind.

A part of Magnus wonders if all the shit from the past is part of the reason that he feels such emphasis on performance, beyond the necessity associated with his scholarship. It’s like he’s always needing the external validation, that what he’s doing is enough. That he’s worth it.

It’s hard for Magnus to hold onto his sense of self-worth when he’s grown up always feeling like he was _never enough_.

Thinking about Eliot, this string-of-thought just reiterates to Magnus that there are two types of people in this world. Those who understand Eliot, who _get_ it, and then those who don't. It's either one or the other, and there’s no in between.

There are people who understand the difficulties, the futility, behind life, that Eliot expertly conveys. Those who question themselves, those who feel torn apart, those who feel so disconnected - they can relate to Eliot. Magnus is in this group of people. How could he not be?

But there are also those who sneer at Eliot's descriptions in wary disgust, who find his work to be depressing and unrelatable. Those are the real aggressive ones. And if not that, these people are just genuinely bewildered by his words, seeing them as poignant yet unrealistic. Those are the lucky people, Magnus reckons. The ones who don't understand or relate to such deep difficulties, the ones who could never get it.

Magnus never likes to guess what category a person could fall under. It's all just his own observations, and he understands that he doesn't know the intricacies of every person's life.

But he's human, and he can't help but pass judgement sometimes.

When he walks into the hall, he quickly grabs a seat near the front for himself. As he busies himself with organising his things, including his pens and paper (Magnus has always detested the concept of typing lecture notes on a computer), he hears loud laughter echoing from outside as a group of people waltz into the lecture hall, bouncing on their feet and acting quite disruptive.

Magnus doesn’t really know who they are, just knows that this particular group can be particularly irritating at times. It’s not like they’re actually that bad during the actual lecture, but they radiate a naive optimism that Magnus can’t help but find quite startling. It’s like they constantly walk around with gigantic intrusive smiles on their faces, as if the world shines a spotlight on them.

The blond boy, in particular, seems to always command the attention of whoever is in their space. He’s in the middle of their small huddle now, cracking up over some joke that contrasts so starkly with the quiet behaviour of the others in the lecture hall. Everyone else is either getting their stuff out, or is just playing with their phones as they wait.

With irritation, Magnus notes that the group of them literally plonk themselves in the seats just in front of Magnus. Blond boy mutters something that makes the brunette girl cackle loudly, and has the brunette boy ducking his head in what Magnus interprets as an attempt to quell his own laughter.

It’s not like Magnus has anything against optimism or happiness. He’s not a downer like that or anything, and he considers himself to be an optimist. It’s just that these sorts of people seem so naive and so brazen in the way they treat the world, like they’ve never really suffered a day in their life. Almost self-centred, in a way. In all honesty, Magnus doesn’t know how to explain it.

See, _these_ are the kind of people that Magnus means. It’s a rude thought, snide, but in that moment, Magnus knows that all of them probably fucked up Eliot. These people just emanate a sense that the world has always worked out for them. How can you understand the fatalistic disenchantment and fractured pessimism behind Eliot with lives like that?

It’s dumb, because for all Magnus knows, he could be dead wrong. But he’s pretty sure he isn’t, judging by the way that the group of them act. The bespeckled boy makes a comment that has all of them yelling in their seats, and Magnus sends a silent prayer to the universe that Luke hurries his ass up. When the actual lecture starts, they’ll all shut-up.

Of course, objectively, Magnus knows he’s being a little harsh, but he can’t help it. He’s nervous. The Eliot essay constitutes a pretty decent chunk of his mark, and subsequent status at Alicante, and he really does need it to be good. And beyond the practicality, Magnus likes to think that he understands Eliot. He reads the tormented words of a soul long gone, and can’t help but feel the way it resonates. The crazy way that the words of a white man from 100 years ago can resonate with Magnus, a bisexual man of colour in the 21st century.

Maybe the reason the group in front of him is getting on his nerves so much, this afternoon of all days, is because, if Magnus can admit it to himself, he wishes he could relate. He wishes he could be part of the group who _didn’t_ understand Eliot. It’s deep in his heart and his soul, but he feels some muddled emotion, a cross between resentment, envy and wistfulness. It’s small and muted, because Magnus is proud of how far he’s come. But times like this, he can’t help but wish life had been a little kinder to him. Just a little.

Before he spirals into a hole of this self-pitying thought and wallowing, Magnus registers Luke bustling into the room. Shaking his head, Magnus glances around and is surprised to find the lecture hall practically full. He’d been so deep in his head, he hadn’t even noticed the room fill up. Clearing his throat for himself more than for anyone else, Magnus refocuses his gaze to the front, readying his pen over the paper.

He hears the _tap, tap, tap,_ of people opening and clicking and typing on their laptops. He rolls his eyes to himself. Maybe it may seem a little traditional, but writing lecture notes have been proven to be far more useful for learning than typing them.

Luke - or, in this context, Professor Garroway - greets everyone with a giant smile as he sets up his powerpoint. Magnus smirks fondly as the man tinkers away at the projector for a moment. Luke is always so bloody proud of his powerpoints, as if they’re works of art when he’s making them at home. It never fails to amuse Magnus.

When the powerpoint is finally set-up, Luke’s expression darkens as he surveys the crowd.

“You’re getting your Eliot essays at the end. Let me just say… it’s not looking great,” Luke’s words make Magnus wince. The man is one of the most soft-spoken and optimistic people Magnus knows, so the words ‘it’s not looking great’ feel like an actual stab to Magnus’ heart. Magnus tries to catch Luke’s eye, tries to figure out what that means for himself, but Luke’s gaze is unreadable.

_Fuck._

But Magnus can’t spare time to internally freak out, because Luke is already barging ahead with his powerpoint. The insidious sounds of keyboards as people type just seems to stoke Magnus’ irritation. Is there seriously no one in here that’s just writing?

In this moment, he notices that the brunette boy from that group in the row ahead of him seems to be writing too. From Magnus’ seat, he can clearly see the guy’s paper, and frankly, his handwriting looks appalling, but Magnus spares a moment to appreciate the effort.

“Today, we’ll be discussing temporal shifts and the subjectivity of time in Eliot’s poetry,” Luke reiterates as he goes through the first slide of his powerpoint.

Brunette boy’s hand moves at the speed of light to get it all down, just like Magnus’.

Magnus finds the lecture really interesting, and he notes down some nice points to add to his notes properly when he gets back to the dorm. He finds himself fitting into the character of the eager high-achieving student easily, asking questions every once in awhile and writing without a break.

When the powerpoint is finished, Luke holds up a bundle of papers in his hands. His expression doesn’t look too pleased.

“So, clearly, the majority of us need to be focusing a little more on Eliot. I know he’s a bit of an enigma, as a poet, but that’s what gives his work such intrigue in its textual integrity. We _need_ to be exploring that phrasing more in our responses,” Luke’s passion shines through in his words as he begins to distribute the papers.

Eventually, everyone in the hall is holding their bundle of paper, with facial expressions in the room ranging from stoic irritation to shocked defeat to pleasant surprise.

Everyone except Magnus.

Magnus glances around in bewilderment, looking along the rows of chairs and not seeing any other papers floating around. Some irrational fear that he’s done so bad that Luke is holding his paper for ransom crosses his mind, but before the thought can fully materialise, a voice pipes up.

“Um, Professor Garroway? Did you hand out all the papers?” the voice is quiet, deep and soft, and Magnus realises that it’s coming from brunette boy. Magnus glances down, noticing that he too doesn’t seem to have a paper on him.

Luke’s expression softens a little bit. “I’m keeping you two’s papers. You’re the only ones who got full marks,” Luke explains.

Magnus can’t help it. He always feels giddy happiness that lasts for about two seconds when he hears he’s done well in something. It means he can breathe easy for a moment. But he’s also a little confused. Why would Luke need to keep their papers if they’ve supposably done well?

“You two, can you stay behind please? The rest of you are free to leave. Any questions, come talk to me,” Luke instructs, and with that, everyone around them begins to disperse. Magnus slowly packs away his stuff whilst others around him immediately dash out of their chairs and to the exits. Pretty quickly, the lecture hall is empty, save for Magnus, Luke, and brunette boy.

“Come down here, please,” Luke gestures with an easy smile as he himself disconnects his computer from the projector. Magnus stiffly vacates his seat, following brunette boy until they’re both standing in front of Luke.

Brunette boy is _tall._ Like, ridiculously so. Magnus glances up at him, notes the strong features and the hazel eyes, before recognising something to him that Magnus hadn't registered before.

Now that he's not surrounded by his friends, his face not automatically twisting into a disruptive laugh, Magnus notes an air of unassuming timidness to the man.

Magnus shifts his gaze back to Luke, not wishing to be caught staring.

“Look, I'm going to be honest. The essays, on the whole, were shit. We really need to nail Eliot, but I have a feeling that I'm not really getting that across to people,” Luke begins, gaze switching between the two of them as he speaks. “So since you've both done so well, I want the two of you to team up and deliver your own lecture on Eliot in a couple weeks time.”

Magnus’ eyes widen when the words properly register. He wants to groan. It's not like he can deny Luke or anything, but really? A lecture in a couple of weeks? Magnus already is pretty busy with quite a few assignments going on.

And then there's the concept of teamwork.

Magnus loathes the idea of working with others. It's not that he dislikes studying with people in general, but Magnus has learnt from experience that, majority of the time in group projects, the work always gets pushed onto one person. And majority of the time, that very person always ends up being himself.

Furthermore, it's hard for Magnus to gel his ideas with others, with a stranger like brunette boy. And especially for something as subjective as Eliot. Magnus is already opening his mouth to politely object when Luke notices his expression and barrels onward.

“You’ll both, of course, get extra credit for doing so,” Luke argues, and that gives Magnus pause.

It's not like he’s really in a position to say no to extra credit.

The same thought must register for brunette boy, for he quietly gasps. “Wait, really? You mean that?” he asks.

“Yeah, really,” Luke grins. “So, I assume you're both on board?”

When Luke notices Magnus’ conflicted expression, he sends that pleading look to him. It's the kind of look that would make Magnus a cold-hearted monster if he were to ignore it.

“Alright,” Magnus sighs at the same time that brunette boy says, “Yep.”

Luke beams. “Awesome! Alright, in two weeks time. Anything about Eliot you want to talk about, and I recommend you draw on the stuff you used in both your essays,” when he says this, Luke brandishes their papers, handing it back to them.

Magnus accepts the paper, nodding to himself at the circled 100% indicated on the front.

“Wait, do you guys actually know each other?” Luke asks, brow furrowing. When the two of them shake their heads, Luke nods. He gestures to brunette boy. “Magnus, this is Alec Lightwood.” With that, Luke switches his hands to gesture to Magnus. “Alec, this is Magnus Bane.”

Brunette boy - _Alec_ \- holds out a hand, a smile that Magnus dares to call shy adorning his face. “Nice to meet you,” Alec mumbles. Magnus can't help but note that his face seems so… open, considering this is their first time meeting.

Magnus shakes off the weird feeling, smiling back. “Likewise. Looks like we're working together,” Magnus tries to keep the groaning edge out of his voice. It's not like he wants to make a bad impression based on his own previous perceptions of _Alec,_ even if he detests the concept of group work.

Surely, there must be more to this Alec than meets the eye, if he managed to get 100% for Eliot. Maybe he's a really good sympathiser. Or maybe he's just highly skilled at pulling memorised bullshit out of his ass. Magnus frankly doesn't know.

With that, Magnus reaches forward, clasping Alec’s hand with his hand in a firm shake. There’s something inherently warm about Alec’s stare that makes Magnus’ brow furrow slightly. He sees Alec’s gaze flick down for a second, could almost swear that Alec had been looking at his lips, before their hands pull apart, their contact disappearing and Alec averting his gaze.

Magnus shakes his head. He must’ve imagined it.

He’s shocked out of his own head by a firm slap on the back from Luke, as the man has one hand on Magnus’ back and one on Alec’s. He looks creepily cheery over this. “Great. You two are very smart, and I know you’re both going to do some great stuff in two weeks!” With that, Luke lifts his hand from Magnus to glance at his watch, face turning comically pale. “I have to go. Don’t want to miss family dinner. Magnus, by the way, are you coming?”

Alec looks a little perplexed, glancing between Luke and Magnus and probably trying to figure out the connection. Magnus makes a point to ignore him, and quietly responds to Luke with, “Sorry, Luke, but not today. Thanks for the invite though.”

“Anytime, Magnus,” Luke winks, and with that, he slings his briefcase and other things over his arm before scuttling out of the lecture hall. “See you both!”

Magnus keeps his eyes trained on Luke’s retreating figure as it strikes him now that it’s only him and Alec in the lecture hall. Magnus can’t help it - his first thought is to jet out of here.

In all honesty, Magnus doesn’t know what to think of Alec, singular. As in, brunette boy without the blond boy and the brunette girl and the bespeckled boy and all the others surrounding him. Magnus finds himself irritated with the group of them, but there’s something about Alec alone that tilts Magnus off-kilter, makes him feel a little unsteady on his feet. He seems so different by himself, compared to when he’s surrounded.

Magnus doesn’t know what to call this strange feeling, just knows that it makes him want to escape.

He’s on his way to following Luke out of the door with nothing more than a nod of the head and a hushed goodbye, when he feels Alec grab him by the shoulder gently. Shocked by the contact, Magnus is easily spun around until the two of them are facing each other.

Alec looks a little confused as he releases Magnus, which Magnus can honestly relate to right now. “Um, don’t you think we should organise a time to meet? You know, to start working on this?” he asks, peering curiously at Magnus. As if he’s confused as to why Magnus’ first thought hadn’t been to organise time together as well.

Magnus just nods his head slowly. At the end of the day, no matter his feelings or confusion surrounding the person that is Alec Lightwood, this lecture, if done well, will grant them both extra credit, which Magnus needs. And honestly, Magnus could never turn down the opportunity to spiel about Eliot to a wider audience.

And he appreciates Alec’s initiative. Most partners in group work don’t even pretend they give a fuck. At least Alec is trying to seem like he cares.

“Ah, sorry. You’re right,” Magnus brings out his phone from his pocket, tapping open his calendar. “When’s a good time for you?”

Alec himself brings out his phone, bottom lip sticking out a little as he unlocks it. “Can you do tomorrow afternoon?” he asks after a moment. Magnus checks his phone, notes that he’s free, and promptly nods.

“Yeah. So, meet around 3pm in the library?” Magnus questions, arching an eyebrow.

“Awesome, sounds good,” Alec responds. With that, the two of them enter the details into their phones. Just as Magnus is about to shut it off and put it back in his pocket, Alec’s voice interjects again. “Can I have your number?”

Magnus’ eyes widen at Alec’s surprising though not unwelcome straightforwardness, but Alec blanches when the words seem to register. “I mean, you know… so it’s easier to- to contact each other, for, you know, meeting up or, I don’t know, working on the lecture when we’re separate,” Alec mumbles, stuttering and stumbling over his words. It strikes Magnus once more, how awkward this guy is without all those other people around him, and all it does is confuse Magnus more.

Despite the incoherence, Magnus gets what Alec’s saying, and quickly hands over his phone to Alec. Alec mirrors the action to Magnus, and Magnus quickly types in his name and phone number into Alec’s contacts.

He distantly notes that the man has a _lot_ of contacts on his phone. He feels a twinge of abrupt embarrassment at the concept of oh-so-popular Alec seeing Magnus’ contact list, which is pretty empty in comparison, before it’s quashed down with the thought that, frankly, Magnus doesn’t care. When they’re both done, they quickly swap back their phones, their fingers brushing in the process of doing so.

Somehow, this ends with Alec’s phone on the floor. They both bend down at the same time to grab it, and Alec can’t seem to hold Magnus’ gaze again.

Weird.

When Alec has his phone back, has checked it over, and they’ve both straightened, Alec just nods. With a rushed goodbye, he bolts out of the lecture hall, leaving Magnus alone and feeling even more bewildered than before.

Ok, over the months that Magnus has noticed Alec’s group, he never thought brunette boy himself all alone would be so… awkward. There’s something so intrinsically different to him than, say, blond boy, when it’s just Alec by himself.

Alec Lightwood himself is already an enigma.

And that doesn’t even cover all the weird behaviour, from the intent way he had been looking at Magnus one minute, and then avoiding any eye contact the next. How he’d somehow managed to drop his phone on the floor. Is his hand-eye coordination really that terrible?

Magnus is shaken from his thoughts as he notices a stranger enter the lecture hall. The girl glances at Magnus in confusion, and Magnus realises that another different lecture will be here soon.

Quick as he can, Magnus dashes out of the lecture hall, taking a gulping breath of the fresh spring air outside. The sun is beginning to cast a hazy golden glow around, and Magnus takes a moment to enjoy the view before he begins to walk back to his dorms. He’s got nothing else on for the rest of the day.

Strolling along in the relative silence, the only sounds being the distant chatter of people and the ambient sounds of nature, Magnus lets his mind wander.

Irrational irritation bubbles in Magnus’ chest as he thinks. Alec Lightwood is the sort-of person who, theoretically, shouldn’t get Eliot. At least, not to the same point that Magnus gets Eliot, where they both get 100%. Magnus doesn’t want to discredit the man’s work or anything, he just finds it so difficult to believe. Alec is one of those people who has everything.

He’s part of the crowd who takes everything one day at a time, the guy who parties all the time, is perpetually caught-up in self-centred laughter and floating high above everyone else.

But Magnus also knows there’s dangers in making assumptions. And surely, if this Alec Lightwood really does get Eliot to the same extent that Magnus does, then there must be more to the tall man than meets the eye.

Magnus barely knows him, but it already feels like he’s seen two versions of Alec. The laughing, self-centred, extroverted guy he is with his friends. But also, the glimpse of an Alec he had just properly met for himself. The bumbling, awkward, clumsy guy that he seems to be when he’s alone. Or at least, when he's with Magnus.

The dichotomy is confusing to someone like Magnus. He’s so used to people just being unashamedly themselves, but he also knows that this is a luxury that not everyone can afford.

Maybe Alec Lightwood is one of those unfortunate people.

But in all honesty, Magnus doesn’t know. It’s easier to just forget about it and focus on other things. He can worry about Alec when he sees him again tomorrow, when they properly start work. Magnus likes to think that Alec will contribute, but you never know.

When Magnus comes back to the dorm, he enters his room and isn’t surprised to find his roomate, already dutifully studying at her desk. Maia Roberts has her head practically buried in her marine biology textbook, so much so that she doesn’t even seem to notice when Magnus enters.

The sound of Magnus popping his things down onto the floor finally jolts her head up, and she smirks upon noticing him.

“I assume Eliot didn’t, quote-unquote, whoop your ass into next century?” Maia opens with a joking question. Magnus just rolls his eyes.

“How can you be so sure?” Magnus retorts as he practically flops onto his bed, eyes falling shut even though it’s still only late afternoon.

“If you hadn’t done well, you would’ve come in and sighed a lot. You would’ve moaned in irritation, come up to my chair, and cursed the world for ever choosing to doom you with a subpar mark,” Maia recites with a clarity and detail that has Magnus opening one eye to glance at her from his bed in irritation.

“That was one time, Maia. Remember when you thought you’d failed your field investigation report, and promptly came in here looking like you’d just been through a break-up?” Magnus counters. The memory of Maia’s watery voice and her giant tub of Ben-and-Jerry’s from that day all those months ago is still imprinted in Magnus’ brain.

The two of them like to tease each other about it, but marks are equally as important for Maia as for Magnus. They’re both on the same _Idris Scholarship_ that’s based heavily on academic performance, which is why they’re roommates. And the scholarships are rarely given out, and can easily be stripped away if you underperform. A part of Magnus wonders how legal that really is, but it’s not like he can question it.

It works out well for both of them, because they have pretty similar interests, gel very well together as friends, and share equally high standards when it comes to studying and results.

Magnus doesn’t know entirely about Maia’s situation, just knows that this scholarship is just as vital to her survival as it is for Magnus. And vice-versa, Maia doesn’t really know much about Magnus’ situation either. It’s strange, but the relationship works, and Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

Maia scoffs in retaliation. “That’s a low blow, Magnus. Low blow,” Maia’s words are light as she speaks, and she side-eyes Magnus with a smirk before turning back in her seat to face her textbook again.

“Here’s the thing. Eliot was actually good. Maybe even too good,” Magnus groans as he shuts his eyes properly again, throwing an arm above his head.

“What does that even mean?” Maia asks, her voice reaching Magnus even though he can’t see anything.

“I got full marks, and so did this other guy. And now, Luke wants us to do a joint lecture together in a couple weeks for extra credit.”

Maia makes a sound that allows Magnus to visualise her wincing in her seat. “Group work? That’s rough. I mean, good job and all, but damn. What’s the other guy like?”

Magnus finds it hard to answer this question. There’s a war in his mind, a fight between the internalised perception, the idea of this self-absorbed brunette guy in this loud obnoxious group, and the fleeting glimpse of reality, of an awkward but well-meaning man just trying to get some extra credit.

And so, Magnus releases a rumbling breath as he contemplates the question. After several long minutes, he finally responds with nothing but the truth.

“Honestly, Maia? I really don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/onalonaa) and on instagram (where I make crusty edits) [here](https://www.instagram.com/onalonaa/) if you want <3
> 
> Thanks for reading! Don't be afraid to leave a kudos/comment. Lots of love <3


	2. midnight shakes the memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But in times like these, the heart and the mind never really do align. ___
> 
> __Profound questions, powerpoints, and a world of possibilities._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continued labour of my procrastination (highkey my exams start in three days but the way I'm acting, it's like they're already over gah I'm gonna fail)
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy! This is the only good thing that has come out of me procrastinating my ass off :D

* * *

_dissolve the floors of memory_  
_and all its clear relations,_  
_its divisions and precisions,_  
_every street lamp that i pass_  
_beats like a fatalistic drum,_  
_and through the spaces of the dark_  
_midnight shakes the memory_  
****\- rhapsody on a windy night** **

* * *

“Group work? You're fucked,” Clary’s voice just makes Magnus groan aloud for probably the millionth time today.

“I know I am,” he sighs in response as he strolls along the path back to his dorm. It's early afternoon, and Magnus reckons he can fit in a bit of study back in his room before he's due to meet Alec at 3. “I mean, at least he took the initiative to organise the time to meet.”

“That doesn't necessarily mean he’ll actually do anything,” Clary snickers, the sound amplified by the terrible audio quality of the phone. “I hope, for your sake, that he does though.”

“Me too, Biscuit. Me too,” Magnus grumbles as he makes it inside the dormitory. As he walks up to his room, he lets out another sigh.

“And look, you didn't flunk Eliot. In fact, you did the exact opposite!” Clary sounds accusatory, and Magnus pointedly ignores her tone as Magnus properly enters his room. It's unspoken, but there's a silent “I told you so” lingering after that statement that Magnus can still hear.

“Yeah, yeah,” Magnus mumbles as he slings his stuff onto the bed and smoothly lands in his desk chair. “I can't help but wonder whether it was worth doing so well in it now, though.”

“Hey, don't think like that,” Clary admonishes, and even though Magnus is older and larger than her, times like this make Magnus feel like the younger one. Clary's assurance and confidence is something Magnus wishes he could have. “Look, at the end of the day, you get extra credit. You just have to hope that this Alec guy isn't a total couch potato and actually helps.”

Magnus rubs at his temple slowly. “You're right, Biscuit. Anyways, I have to go. But I'll call you later, alright?”

“Alright. Love you, Magnus,” Clary chuckles. Magnus smiles as he hears the bright sound echo in his ear.

“Love you too,” Magnus exhales as he hangs up. With that, he tosses his phone onto the bed, and once satisfied that it’s properly landed, he turns in his seat to crack open his laptop.

He’s just about to open his powerpoint, part of an assignment due in a couple of weeks, when a loud ringing sound cuts through the quietness of the room. Magnus practically jolts, gaze shooting up from his computer screen as he registers that this is the sound of his phone ringing.

But there’s no Ariana Grande blasting from it. It’s not any personalised ringtone at all, just the stock-standard shrill ring. Curiosity piqued, Magnus pushes himself out of his chair and picks up his discarded phone. His eyes widen when he reads the caller ID - _Alec Lightwood._

Magnus checks the time. It’s only 2.09, and they’re not due to meet until 3. Still, Magnus presses answer, intrigued.

“Ah, hello?” Magnus mumbles when he taps answer. He begins to pace around the room as Alec responds.

“Hey, Magnus,” Alec greets. “It’s Alec.”

“I see that,” Magnus replies, continuing to pace. Magnus has been in this situation enough times before. Alec’s going to say that something’s come up, that he won’t be able to come to work on the lecture. He’ll have some half-assed excuse that’ll do nothing more than irritate Magnus and put him in a bad mood, especially just following the conversation with Clary.

That’s why it surprises Magnus when he hears Alec’s next sentence.

“Something came up for this evening, so I was wondering if you’d be able to meet me early, so I can leave earlier? That is, if you’re free now,” Alec explains. Magnus’ brain short-circuits, at the possibility of someone _actually taking group work seriously,_ and it takes him a moment to respond.

He shouldn’t be this surprised, and yet he can’t help it.

“Wow. Ah yeah, I’m free now. So, you want to meet in the library in a few minutes?” Magnus asks, already walking around to begin gathering his stuff in preparation for leaving.

“Sounds good! I’m so sorry about the inconvenience, I really am,” Alec speaks, the authenticity in his apology striking Magnus in this moment. Hearing it makes Magnus soften, just a tad.

“No need to apologise, Alec,” Magnus responds. “See you soon.”

“Yeah, see you,” Alec exhales, and a beat later, Magnus hears the dial tone as Alec hangs up.

Quickly, Magnus gathers his things that he literally put down just a few minutes ago, and he quickly glances around the room to check he has everything before he’s out the door.

Walking briskly, Magnus allows himself a chance to take a deep breath, to feel the cool afternoon air of spring seep into his soul as he observes. He sees numerous people milling around, doing all sorts of things. He spots a guy strolling along with his dog, whistling as he goes. He sees a large group of students, sitting in the afternoon sunlight, books and binders sprawled out on the grass below. He hears the sounds of laughter, of shouts and cackles, as he takes in another deep greedy breath of fresh air.

These sort-of observations are a great reminder of the positives to the college experience.

By the time he’s reached the library, Magnus feels oddly energised. Turning the corner to go through the main entrance, Magnus is surprised to find Alec standing by the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet. It makes him look even taller than he already is, as his head keeps scanning around the surroundings, probably on the lookout for Magnus himself.

When Magnus comes closer, Alec finally spots him. He smiles softly as he holds his hand out in a little wave.

“Really sorry again about the rescheduling,” Alec begins when Magnus is close enough to hear him speak. Magnus is shaking his head before he even registers it.

“It’s fine, I honestly don’t mind,” Magnus reaffirms as the two of them approach the automatic doors to enter the library. Magnus is hit with a blast of cool air as they enter, and he tries not to visibly shiver.

When they reach an unoccupied table, the two of them sit opposite each other. Alec brings out his laptop, jolting Magnus into mirroring the action. They also bring out both their essays, looking practically the same with the giant 100% circled in red on the front of both.

Magnus is interested to hear what Alec has to say. He can properly assess if Alec has been spouting bullshit and fluked doing so well, or if Alec actually knows what the fuck he’s talking about. In light of this joint lecture they’re both in charge of, Magnus really hopes it’s the latter.

Alec also brings out his notebook and pencil case, and that’s when Magnus remembers that Alec had been hand-writing his lecture notes yesterday as well. He eyes Alec’s stuff, and Alec must misinterpret his stare as judgemental, because he opens his mouth immediately to explain.

“Sorry, I just don’t really like writing everything on my laptop. I mean, you remember lecture notes far better if you write it, so… yeah,” Alec trails off, and Magnus dares to say he looks a little sheepish. Magnus grins then, before he bends down and brings out his own notebook with the pen attached to it.

“Don’t worry, same,” Magnus gestures to his notebook with a small wave of his hand. “And typing just sounds so irritating.”

“Exactly,” Alec’s eyes widen. “It’s scientifically proven and everything, that it’s better, but most people don’t get it.”

Magnus smirks when he hears that. It’s a small thing, so minute and random and little, but it’s common ground, and Magnus is definitely going to run with it.

With that, the two of them spend some time sketching out a rough game plan. They’re taking a page out of Luke’s book (though, to be fair, practically every lecturer does the same) by using a powerpoint, but instead of putting so much text on the powerpoint, they’ll just put a few keywords that they can both elaborate on in their discussion with everyone else. Their elaboration and explanation is what they plan to write down.

They decide that alternating between the two of them for every slide is best, so that they can keep engagement up for not just those listening, but also for themselves. As they talk, Magnus is pleasantly surprised to see how Alec is so invested in making this good, in how seriously he looks at things like fonts and layouts and making sure that they’re speaking for relatively equal amounts of time, covering a bunch of different areas.

It’s… actual teamwork. There’s no one person overtaking everything, and it’s not one person shucking all responsibilities onto the other. It’s solid teamwork.

“What do you want to focus on?” Magnus asks, a sort-of test to see what Alec actually knows about all this. He’s checking if Alec _gets Eliot._

Alec, shaking his head a little, glances down at his paper. “I don’t know. I think my main sort-of focus, for the essay, at least, was… the sort-of, the concept of interpersonal fragmentation. The dissonance between internal reflection and external perception. Does that make sense?”

Magnus nods his head, surprised that it actually does. Definitely different to what Magnus talked about in his own essay.

“Like, I don’t know. Prufrock is just some emo guy who can’t even fathom the concept of asking someone out,” Alec explains with a wry smirk. “He gets so lost in his own head that he can’t even just… say who he is and what he wants.” He flicks his gaze away at that point, voice trailing off.

Magnus gets the innate sense that he’s missing something, but before he can really puzzle it out, Alec is clearing his throat. “What about you, Magnus?” he asks, eyes coming back to rest on Magnus’ face.

Shaking his head, Magnus tilts his head to the side. “More along the lines of societal disconnection and alienation, I guess.”

He’s said only one sentence, barely anything to it, but Alec nods anyway, as if Magnus has just delivered a life-changing lecture. Magnus finds the encouragement very sweet. It’s nice to have the integrity of your arguments validated by someone who isn’t a professor.

And so, they spend the rest of the afternoon exchanging ideas, writing down speaking notes and starting their powerpoint. They decide to intersperse their key words with funny pictures and videos to keep engagement up and actually make the lecture even a little funny. And over the course of their time together, Magnus figures out that Alec is pretty smart, not in any sort-of arrogant unbecoming way, but in a way that belies the quiet confidence he has as he talks about stuff that Magnus had never even thought of before.

In return, Magnus shares his own interpretations and thoughts, and is weirdly proud of himself to see Alec so amazed and intrigued at the random ideas that pour from his lips.

They work very well together. Half the time, when an unformed thought stumbles out of Magnus’ mouth, Alec can figure out what he means and finishes his exact thought perfectly. Alec will snap his fingers, adamant in trying to remember the name of a literary technique, which Magnus quickly can supply. They bumble through powerpoint transitions and laugh at literature memes on the internet, and they make solid progress together. It doesn’t feel tiring, but actually strangely uplifting, and something about the two of them together just _works._

Magnus doesn’t even realise it’s late until he glances out of the library window and observes that it’s dark.

“Shit,” Alec swears quietly as he glances at his watch. “I lost track of time. I really have to go.” As the words rush out of him, Alec begins packing away his things, scrambling to shut his laptop and put away his notebook.

 _Ah, the reason he wanted us to meet early,_ Magnus remembers. _Probably has a date or a party or something._

“I can work on some of the powerpoint at home, and we can meet again in a few days?” Alec asks, already slinging his backpack over his shoulder and standing up from his chair.

Magnus nods, and he’s surprised to find that, after just one afternoon of working with him, he trusts Alec will actually do what he says. He can't remember the last time group work had actually felt like exactly that. Working together in a group, productively and equally.

This is what allows Magnus to shoot an easy smile up at the tall man standing before him. Is it strange to admit that he actually had fun today? That had definitely been the last thing he had expected from all this. He opens his mouth in an attempt to voice the sentiment, but the impatient tapping of Alec's foot makes something else come out instead.

“Uh, yeah. Text me,” Magnus answers. “See you.” For some reason, a weird sense of defeat clings to Magnus just as Alec smiles back before he practically sprints away. He shakes himself a little once Alec’s large frame has left his field-of-view, tries to shake off the unexplainable feeling, as he himself packs up the rest of his things.

Only when he has everything packed up does Magnus notice something on the ground, glittering in the harsh artificial light of the library. Arching a brow, he bends down to take a closer look at the object. It’s a silver metallic pen, and Magnus recognises it as the one Alec had been using throughout the afternoon. Alec must've been in such a rush, that he'd knocked his pen to the ground and hadn't noticed it when he left. Rolling his eyes to himself, Magnus grabs the pen from the ground and shoves it into his own bag before making his way out of the library.

 _I’ll give it to him later,_ Magnus thinks to himself as the brisk evening air hits him as he exits the library. He definitely had not meant to stay that long, and he finds himself feeling underdressed as he walks along back to the dorms, the wind surging around him, causing a cacophony of noise as the trees are battered in response that offsets the perpetual chill that begins to settle into Magnus’ body. Whipping out his phone to check the time, he’s surprised to find that it reads out 6.39pm.

Truth be told, the time had literally flown by, at least, in Magnus’ eyes. And judging by the shock as Alec had registered how late it was, surely the same could be said for him as well. Magnus had genuinely enjoyed the afternoon out, had enjoyed Alec Lightwood’s company, and to top it all off, he’s already feeling a lot better about this joint lecture than he had at the start of the day.

When Magnus enters his room, he’s surprised by the aroma of smells that accost him. He blinks slowly, finding his roommate sitting on the floor with her laptop out, eating a slice of pizza.

“Help me finish this pizza,” Maia mumbles, mouth still half-full of food, gesturing to the closed pizza box next to her. Magnus stomach seems to grumble in response to that, and he just shrugs in compliance as he puts his stuff down on his bed and joins Maia on the floor.

“Thanks,” Magnus smiles in response as he bends over to open the pizza box. He takes a slice gratefully before sitting up properly, noticing Maia shift her laptop slightly so that he can see what’s on the screen.

She’s on Netflix, and the screen is paused, a screenshot from Maia’s favourite show on it currently.

Magnus doesn’t know whether to knowingly laugh or to groan in faux irritation, so he settles with letting out a long sigh. “Maia, how many times are we going to watch the Sense8 finale before you’re satisfied?” he asks in amusement, though he’s making a jab more than actually complaining. Magnus enjoys the show, enjoys how invested Maia is in said show, and really doesn’t mind rewatching _that_ much.

Maia pouts. “I’ll never be satisfied. They should’ve gotten their season 3. Anyways, shut up and let me fangirl,” Maia turns her head back around, and she hits the spacebar loudly to continue playing.

Shrugging to himself and taking a large bite of his piece of pizza, Magnus settles, his back resting against his bed frame as he eats his dinner and watches the laptop screen. Even though Magnus can’t count the number of times Maia has watched this episode, she still reacts with the same energy and enthusiasm to the show, as if she’s watching it for the first time.

In the slower parts of the episode, Maia asks Magnus questions, mindless enough so that they both can still focus on what they’re watching.

“So, how was the study date?” she asks, eyes never leaving the laptop screen. Magnus can’t stop his eyes rolling, even though he knows Maia can’t see the motion.

“It wasn’t a study date,” he immediately retorts, finishing another slice of pizza. “And it went pretty alright, actually.”

“Really?” Maia sounds genuinely intrigued, though Magnus assumes part of that intrigue stems from the tense scene they’re watching right now. “Group work that didn’t end up with you doing everything?”

“Yeah,” Magnus breathes out, and even then, he’s a little surprised. He hates to admit it, but his prior perceptions of Alec had immediately put Magnus on guard, had told him that Alec wouldn’t really give a fuck about all this and put Magnus in a tricky situation. Instead, Alec had been nothing but diligent and focused, had been a treat to work with, and was genuinely just a cool guy.

But Magnus doesn’t say any of this out-loud, breathes all the emotion into his one-word response. The conversation fizzles out from that point, but the crux of it still swirls in Magnus’ mind.

When the episode is finished, and Maia cries out at the “for the fans” text that appears at the end like she always does, she abruptly straightens as she glances at the time. In record speed, Maia has gathered her things. Only now does Magnus register that, from the moment he had entered the room, Maia has been dressed to go out.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Magnus asks in bewilderment. Maia usually isn’t one to spend much time in the evening out, and Magnus is genuinely curious as to where she’s going now.

“I’ve got a date,” Maia admits with a wry smirk as she slings her handbag over her shoulder. “He’s outside now. We’re going bowling.”

Magnus just nods, and tries to ignore any pang of abrupt jealousy and longing in favour of shooting a happy smile in Maia’s direction. “Sounds like fun. Stay safe, alright?”

Maia shakes her head. “I’ll be alright. Finish the pizza off if you want,” and with that, Maia waves before she’s out the door.

Magnus sort-of slumps a little. He has to admit, he’s a little disgruntled at the fact that Maia’s off for her date right now, whilst he’s sitting here, alone, and frankly, he feels like he’s ready for bed.

For a while, he just sits, staring glumly at a fixed point on the floor as he eats more pizza, before eventually, the box is empty.

Feeling a little gross from the day, Magnus quickly ducks out to the dorms’ bathroom and has the quickest shower in his life. Normally, he takes his time, but for some reason, Magnus really doesn’t want to sit and stew in his thoughts alone tonight.

In record time, Magnus is in bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone before turning in for the night. He’s just laughing at Cat’s new instagram post when he sees a new Facebook notification. Clicking the app open, Magnus’ eyes widen when he sees what the notification is about.

_Alec Lightwood has sent you a friend request._

Magnus doesn't think twice about clicking accept, and curiosity grips him. He hesitates for a moment, before shrugging to himself and clicking on Alec’s profile.

He notes distantly that Alec's full name is written here on his profile. Alexander G. Lightwood. Magnus wonders what the G could possibly stand for, mulls the name _Alexander_ over in his head.

To be frank, Magnus isn't too surprised by what he sees on Alec’s timeline. It's full of photos of parties, of going out, of other random posts that makes Magnus’ head spin. It's hard for Magnus to reconcile the image of this Alec with the man he worked with today, but then again, as he had thought before, Alec Lightwood is a bit of an enigma.

 _Not like I should judge him or anything,_ Magnus reflects to himself as he clicks out of Facebook and subsequently turns his phone off. _People are allowed to be multifaceted._ He shuffles over the bed to click off the lamp, shrouding the room in darkness.

It's not like he _wants_ to stay up past midnight, trying to puzzle out who Alec Lightwood is in the still quiet of the night. But in times like these, the heart and the mind never really do align.

~

When Magnus sees Alec again, at their same desk in the library, he takes the silver pen out of his pocket and promptly places it in front of Alec, striking the table with a surprisingly loud clang.

Alec’s eyes widen upon witnessing what Magnus has put down. “I was wondering where that went. Thank you,” Alec grins up at Magnus. He finds it a little odd. He literally returned a pen, but Alec's smile is so wide and warm, as if Magnus just agreed to donate a kidney to him or something.

As Magnus settles into his chair, Alec's gaze turns apologetic. “I'm really sorry again for abruptly rushing out last time,” Alec apologises, frowning a little sheepishly down at the table.

Magnus shakes his head, waving a hand lightly. “It's fine, really. Did you end up getting there on time?”

“Only just. My mom is really a stickler for punctuality, and let's just say I wouldn't have heard the end of it if I ended up late to family dinner,” Alex explains, laughing a little at himself.

It's Magnus’ turn for his eyes to widen. Of all the things he had thought Alec had rushed off to, a family dinner had definitely not been an option Magnus had considered.

Alec Lightwood just keeps on surprising him, it seems.

It's been a few days since they last saw each other, and yet Magnus finds a sort-of strange familiarity associated with the tall man. Alec is already seated, and Magnus quickly mirrors the position, taking out his necessary things to continue working on this lecture.

They both have added a little to the powerpoint since last time, and Magnus reckons that, after today and maybe one more session, they'll be ready to go. It should be reassuring, but something about the thought makes something heavy and muddled settle at the pit of Magnus’ stomach.

Magnus dutifully ignores this as he brings his pencil case out along with his notebook and laptop. He opens his computer up, starts logging into his google drive, and is surprised to hear no typing or anything coming from Alec's end.

Curious, Magnus glances up from his screen, a joking question about efficiency on the tip of his tongue, until he notices why Alec isn't doing anything. His hazel eyes are trained on a fixed point on the desk, and Magnus follows this line of sight until he notices what Alec is looking at.

He's looking at Magnus’ pencil case. Or more specifically, that glittery rainbow pin attached to the front of it.

The colour drains from Magnus’ face as he flicks his gaze up to see Alec, still staring at that pin intently, his expression unreadable. All at once, a million negative scenarios run through Magnus’ head.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alec’s voice is soft and hesitant, not harsh. But Magnus can’t help it. His mind spirals into a vortex of pessimism and he braces himself, as if for impact.

_If he's some bigoted asshole, I swear I'm going to -_

“What’s that?” Alec asks, and Magnus is grateful to hear no judgement in his tone, but rather, intent curiosity and genuine intrigue. Magnus takes that to be a good sign, and cautiously closes his laptop screen. Alec does the same, finally bringing his gaze to Magnus’ face, and now, there's no barriers between the two of them as they look at each other carefully across the table.

Magnus takes a deep breath. _Here's the make or break,_ he thinks to himself as he opens his mouth.

“I'm bisexual,” Magnus blurts out, keeping a wary eye out to note Alec’s expression shift into understanding. “The pin’s from the LGBTQ+ society here at Alicante.”

Alec's eyes widen as he nods slowly. Some other expression flits across his features, and it seems to make him smile a little and his eyes light up in what Magnus interprets as _hope_ for some reason, but it's gone in an instant. Magnus almost feels like he just imagined it. Instead, a carefully neutral expression graces Alec's face.

Neutral is better than antagonistic, and Magnus will take it.

“I didn't know we had an LGBTQ+ society here,” Alec mumbles, eyes glancing back to the pin. Magnus braces his forearms onto the table, leaning forward a little with a smirk.

“That would put you in the majority, Alec,” Magnus chuckles. There's something off-putting about Alec's expression that reflects back. Magnus senses restraint, as if Alec is holding himself back. But from what, Magnus doesn't know.

“Wait, what do you even do?” Alec asks curiously, his hazel eyes shining and unable to mask his interest even if the rest of his face remains carefully neutral. Magnus tilts his face, overcome by surprise. This is _definitely_ not how he had thought today would go.

But Alec seems interested, even if he's trying not to act like it, and Magnus can't really deny telling him what he wants to know.

“Well, it's not like we have a set program or anything,” Magnus begins, reaching around to the scratch the back of his neck as he thinks. “It's more about the sense of community. It's a safe space for everyone. We meet every Wednesday and we just chat, maybe share some food. Share some stories, talk about outreach. It's not much, but I love it nonetheless.”

Alec just nods thoughtfully at the words. He opens his mouth, closes it. Looks back at the pin. Looks back to Magnus. Opens his mouth again before waiting a moment and closing it once more.

“That’s… really good,” Alec finally comments after what Magnus feels like a long time, but in reality, is probably only a few minutes. There’s a soft smile on his face, the faint upturn of a lip that has Magnus feeling like surely the statement is more loaded than it originally appears.

This thought sends Magnus’ mind spiralling in a totally different direction, has him going over and analysing every interaction they've had, and Magnus can't help but wonder.

But he doesn't want to make assumptions, and the conversation ends on that weird note, a burgeoning sense of _almost_ lingering in their stares as Alec shakes his head and reopens his laptop.

Things fall back into place from then on. They write their points on futility, secularisation of religion and Eliot’s own spiritual journey all in that one afternoon. Their slides are shaping up to look pretty interesting, if for no other reason than the cartoonish transitions between slides and the memes scattered throughout. That feeling of startling familiarity seems to settle into Magnus’ bones once again, and he finds it so strange how easy it is to share a space with Alec, to work harmoniously with him in a way that isn't draining, but actually rather rewarding.

At one point, a thought strikes Magnus as he remembers Facebook, and he leans a little to the side to look at Alec properly. “Can I ask _you_ a question?” Magnus asks.

Shrugging, Alec nods.

“Why Alec?”

Alec's brow furrows, and he chuckles lightly as he switches his gaze from his laptop screen to Magnus’ face. “Because that's my name?” he laughs, seemingly caught off-guard by Magnus’ random question, and appearing quite amused by said question. Magnus rolls his eyes, but there's no malice or true irritation behind the action.

“I mean, your full name is Alexander,” Magnus explains. He pauses for a moment, savours the way the full name seems to roll off his tongue, weirdly revels in it. He shakes his head to himself before he continues. “I mean, why not go by Alex? I don't know.” Now that he's said what he meant to, Magnus doesn't even know why he decided to bring it up.

Alec shrugs. “I don't know. My parents just started calling me that, and eventually everyone else did. I mean, what do you prefer? You'd prefer Alex?” Alec continues, and his eyes are bright with bemusement as he regards Magnus in his seat.

Magnus leans back in his seat a little as he considers his answer. Despite the superficiality of the question, Magnus feels like his answer will be really important.

Well, the truth has never failed him before.

“I actually prefer Alexander,” Magnus says thoughtfully after an obscene amount of time thinking over such a simple and, honestly, unimportant question. The name in its entirety sounds so regal and it rolls off the tongue so easily. Magnus almost thinks he sees Alec shiver a little when he hears his answer, but then Magnus blinks and it's like it never happened.

“Um, no one calls me that,” Alec sighs. “I mean, too many syllables.” With that, he lets out a short laugh that sounds a touch self-deprecating.

“Correction, Alexander. I'm calling you that. I'm willing to deal with the extra syllables,” Magnus chuckles, and honestly, he doesn't know why he says what he does. He doesn't know why he _feels_ what he does about something as simple as a name. It seems he's lost either a filter or his sanity, or maybe a combination of both.

But Alec smiles brightly upon hearing Magnus’ words, his hazel eyes glittering with a mirth Magnus has never witnessed before, and he decides in that moment that it's worth it. Alec nods, whispering “ok” with that smile still on his face, and Magnus doesn't know what to do with the warm feeling that blooms in his chest upon the sight.

It fades after a moment, but Magnus doesn't miss it.

By the time they’ve finished their work for the afternoon, Magnus feels like they’re almost ready to present. When was the last time group work had actually ended up successful? Magnus doesn’t even remember.

As they’re packing their stuff away in preparation to clear out of the library, Alec chuckles quietly.

“I reckon one more meeting at some point next week, and we should be set?” Alec questions as he tucks in his chair with a small smile. Magnus nods, tucking in his own chair and rounding the table until they’re standing side-by-side. They begin to walk together towards the library exit.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Magnus replies. He hesitates for a moment, wondering if he’s reading the signs right, before he shakes his head to himself.

“Alexander,” Magnus says. Alec’s eyes widen a little, seemingly surprised that Magnus actually is using his full name, but Magnus doesn’t have spare energy to add anything to that. “If you want to know any more, you can just ask me. And we meet every Wednesday, so we’ve got a meeting tomorrow.”

Magnus doesn’t add any context, because he knows he doesn’t have to. Alec is smart, and his expression turns into one of pensive understanding as he registers what Magnus is talking about. But he holds his hands up, shaking his head a little.

“Oh, no. Sorry, I was just curious. But thank you for the invite,” Alec’s words are rushed, and the smirk on his face seems stretched, a little forced. “I have to go, but I’ll text you?”

Alec doesn’t wait for a response, and just like that, he’s off, walking away in the opposite direction to Magnus’ dorms, probably on the way to the car park. Magnus fights the urge to groan and kick himself.

He probably just scared him off.

Magnus has never considered himself the type to misread, but Alec’s reaction and quick getaway are stuck in his head as he walks the familiar route from the library back to the dorms.

It's easy to forget when they're sitting there, heads bent together as they talk about poetic form and laugh over english literature shit posts. It's easy to forget that they come from different worlds. It's easy to forget that this acquaintanceship, friendship, or whatever relationship they share, will almost definitely fizzle into nothing after the lecture has been given. It's easy to forget that Magnus has baggage, that he just _can't._ Things like this are just a stark reminder. Even if he does get Eliot, Magnus knows Alec lives in a totally different world to himself.

Still, a part of Magnus can't help but feel like there's more to unravel when it comes to the person that is Alexander Lightwood.

It stems today from Alec’s interesting reactions to Magnus’ candid discussion of the LGBTQ+ society. A strange sense of restraint emanating from the man. But it's more than just that. When Alec speaks about Eliot, there's more than just sympathy in his tone. There's a melancholic undertone of empathy, of knowing what Eliot is talking about from personal experience alone.

Magnus has theories, holds a distant sense of possibility and wonder because he isn't an idiot, but he also doesn't think it's his place to question Alec and who he is. If there's anything Alec wants to share, Magnus will listen.

It's not Magnus’ place to judge. He doesn't know what to think, frankly. So, he tucks away any lingering questions about Alec into the back of his mind as he strolls along.

~

“Really? No one's going to take this seriously with a title like that.”

Even as he says this, Magnus’ voice wavers, already losing its certainty, as he can't contain the snort of laughter upon seeing the title slide Alec has put for the powerpoint.

“Come on, Magnus. It's genius!” Alec counters, mock indignation colouring his voice as he gestures wildly to the laptop screen he's currently turned to face Magnus.

“It really isn't,” Magnus frowns in faux irritation, but he lets out a traitorous chuckle as he properly observes what's on Alec’s screen.

He's currently looking at a navy blue slide, fitting in with their colour scheme, and everything about the slide seems professional upon first glance. From the Times New Roman font to the simple portrait of Eliot centred on the front, it looks like the start of a standard lecture powerpoint. Magnus realises with a jolt that it looks like one of _Luke’s_ powerpoints. The only thing that trips the illusion is the words of the title of the lecture itself.

“Eliot, more like Eli-lit,” Magnus reads out, scoffing to himself even as the words leave his mouth. Magnus doesn't know whether to groan or laugh.

“It's dumb and funny, and that appeals to people,” Alec argues, with a countenance of belief underpinning his logic that makes Magnus pause. “Besides, this entire powerpoint is full of random memes and jokes. Surely the title needs to reflect that?”

“Alright, true,” Magnus sighs. Now, he's beginning to regret that. It'll make the presentation more relatable and interesting to the young adults in the room, but now Magnus can't help but wonder…

“But what if Luke thinks we're not taking this seriously and we don't get any extra credit?” Magnus voices the doubt, fiddling with the rings on his fingers and flicking his gaze down to his nails. He should paint them a new colour. This wine red colour is getting old.

“Why do you keep calling him Luke?” Alec responds with his own question, genuine curiosity outweighing the worry in Magnus’ tone. It's such a shift in conversation that Magnus almost has whiplash.

“He’s a family friend,” Magnus offers, keeping his gaze trained on his hand, his tone indicating that he doesn’t want to explain any further. Alec seems to get this, and he seemingly moves onto the next thing.

“Ok, well, to clear up your concern - remember the whole reason that Professor Garroway’s asking us to do this is because he knows we can relate to people better than he can,” Alec argues. “Besides, he’s good-natured enough. He’ll probably find it funny himself. It’s fine, really.”

The drawl in Alec’s voice does nothing to appease Magnus’ nerves, and he sighs loudly as he leans forward, bracing his forearms on the table next to his own laptop, staring at a fixed point on the table. Objectively, he knows that Alec is right. Luke is probably the nicest guy Magnus has ever had the pleasure of knowing, and Alec is also right, in that the whole reason they were asked to do this is to get Eliot across to their peers in their _own way._

But the fear of losing the possibility of extra credit looms its head, and Magnus groans roughly.

“Hey,” Alec’s voice cuts through, surprisingly tender. It shocks Magnus enough to bring his gaze back up to Alec’s face. The taller man is mirroring Magnus’ position now, leaning forward with his forearms on the table, and Magnus distantly notes the swirl of colours that make up Alec’s eyes.

“We’re going to be fine, alright? If it really concerns you, we can just change the lecture title. Delete some of the funny crap, if you want,” Alec says, authenticity obvious in his voice.

Magnus shakes his head. “No, no. It’s just…” he trails off, unable to explain, a whole lot of thoughts swirling in his head right now. Yet not a single one can be properly pinned down and spoken. It leaves Magnus feeling speechless.

Alec’s brow furrows. “Look, can I tell you something? I’m the only one out of the two of us that actually _needs_ this extra credit. Let’s just say I’m not doing the best right now,” there’s a self-deprecating tone to his words that makes Magnus frown. “But you, Magnus. You’re smart, and you’re doing really well right now. In the _highly_ unlikely event that Professor Garroway thinks we did shit and we don’t get anything, I’m the only one that’s actually going to suffer.”

“What makes you think I’m doing well right now?” Magnus asks, and he doesn’t know whether the question comes out as curious or defensive. Alec just shrugs.

“You’re on that fancy scholarship, yeah? The one for super smart people, am I right?” Alec chuckles.

Magnus nods. He didn’t think Alec would’ve known that.

“How did you know tha-”

“I have my ways,” Alec interrupts, and there’s a glint of mystery in his eyes before he shakes his head, spinning his laptop back around to face himself and looking down at the laptop screen.

It’s a solid minute of silence before Magnus has the energy to open his mouth again, his eyes trained on Alec’s form as the other man keeps his gaze locked on his computer screen.

“Alexander,” Magnus mumbles. “You’re incredibly smart as well.”

It’s not exactly the right thing to say, but Alec’s mouth quirks up and he laughs dryly nonetheless. There’s no humour in his tone as he speaks.

“That’s funny, Magnus,” Alec sighs.

But Magnus doesn’t find it a laughing matter. He’s seen it, easily. Alexander is smart. There’s a forlorn wisdom to the guy, and he knows his shit. But it’s more than that. Alec is measured when he speaks, is knowledgeable about things, knows the way the world works.

“Not funny, but true,” Magnus replies, and he finds himself meaning every single word of it.

Alec rolls his eyes, not in annoyance, but what Magnus interprets as amused disbelief. He flicks his hazel eyes back to look at Magnus.

“My point is, you don’t need to worry so much. And besides, marks aren’t everything, at the end of the day,” Alec says the last part so offhandedly, pointedly ignoring Magnus’ last comment, that Magnus can’t stop his eyes from widening. Alec must notice, for he continues. “Come on, Magnus, I’m serious.”

Magnus is torn. Half of him wants to explain clearly that, whilst marks aren’t everything, they’re certainly very important for Magnus. He’s in a bit of a tricky situation.

He doesn’t have much money to his name, even if he’s working part-time even whilst attending college. There’s no way he’d be able to afford attending Alicante without the scholarship, and he certainly can’t afford to find any other place to stay besides the complimentary dorms. Marks _aren’t_ everything, but they sure do mean a hell of a lot.

But it’s more than that. Magnus doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t even _know_ what he doesn’t want to say, but it seems like the kind-of thing that would materialise into something ugly, if he were to voice it.

That’s why the other half of him wants Alec to drop this. Now.

However, if there’s one thing Magnus has learnt over the last 10 days of knowing him, it’s that Alec can be stubborn if he really wants to be.

“Say it with me,” Alec instructs. Even if he had been chuckling before, his gaze is serious now. Magnus feels surprisingly vulnerable beneath his gaze, as if Alec can somehow read his mind, is somehow trying to coax something out of him. What it is, Magnus doesn’t know.

“I’m not. This is ridiculous,” Magnus tries to brush it off, waving a hand airily as he leans further back, trying to put some distance between him and Alec’s intent expression.

“If it’s ridiculous, than just humour me please,” Alec counters.

“Ok, Alexander. You’re right, marks aren’t everything,” the words taste foreign, cold, in Magnus’ mouth as he mutters them. “Now, can we please just -”

Alec reaches forward, snapping Magnus’ laptop shut, and effectively stopping Magnus from continuing his sentence. Magnus can't help it. He gapes.

“Magnus,” Alec's voice has gone all soft again, and the sound of it brings Magnus’ gaze back up to look at his face. Alec's expression is unreadable, and Magnus honestly doesn't know what to make of it. It's intentional and muted, but there's something about his eyes, a certain steel to them that has Magnus feeling like he's been pinned to the spot.

“You can't base all your self-worth just on how you perform academically,” Alec states. With that, that ugly nameless thing has materialised, has been forcefully brought to the surface in the space of one sentence. Magnus wonders if Alec has the ability to secretly read his mind or something like that.

“What makes you think that? You know nothing about me,” Magnus scoffs in defense. It's easier to act angry than to address what Alec's just said.

But instead of backing down and scuttling away at the surprising harshness in Magnus’ tone, Alec just shakes his head. “I know enough,” he says cryptically. “And I want you to remember that it's true.”

“I don't do that though!” Magnus’ voice inflects high, an obvious tell of him lying. Alec just levels him with an unimpressed look, and something about that cracks Magnus’ already-weak resolve. “I mean, I…”

When Magnus doesn't know how to continue, Alec opens his mouth to continue. “Look, there's so much more to someone like you than just how smart you are, alright? You're a nice person. This whole time we’ve been doing this lecture prep, you've been nothing but patient and kind. And -” Alec bites his lip, cutting himself off. Magnus distantly wonders why.

“You speak as if you know me,” Magnus huffs out, voice sounding a little defeated, weary.

“Who's to say I don't? You can learn a lot about someone by spending a few chunks of quality time together,” Alec explains.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Magnus asks, half tired and half curious about Alec’s answer.

Alec shrugs. “You drink your coffee black. I know because I accidentally took a sip of it earlier, and it made me want to puke,” Alec says after a moment. Magnus’ frown relaxes into a more neutral expression, maybe even a hint of a smile, as he remembers how Alec had almost spit out the drink when they'd first settled down today in the library.

“That's one thing,” Magnus counters, fighting the natural reaction to keep a smile off his face.

“Well, now it's your turn,” Alec says, steamrolling ahead. Magnus’ brow furrows in confusion. Upon seeing the expression, Alec rolls his eyes. “I'm trying to prove something to you. Surely you've picked up one thing about me?”

Magnus doesn't want to play this game, but at the same time, it's distracting Alec from their discussion earlier, which had been hitting a little too close to home. And really, it's not like Magnus _can't_ answer.

“That silver pen that I returned to you before. You only ever write with that pen. No wonder you had been looking for it when I gave it back to you,” Magnus supplies.

Alec's eyes widen and his lips part, as if he's surprised that Magnus actually responded properly. Or maybe he's shocked that Magnus had noticed something as mundane as that. But Magnus likes to think he's a pretty observant guy in general. It's not like he's paying any special attention to Alec in particular.

“You have personalised ringtones for every contact that has ever called during our time together. Which reminds me, you also have a habit of never putting your phone on silent in here,” Alex retorts.

 _Is this becoming a competition of some kind?_ Magnus is starting to think that it is.

And if there's one thing certain about Magnus Bane, it's that he doesn't back down from a competition, no matter how small.

“Your handwriting is terrible. I swear it would take a qualified mind reader to try and decipher that mess,” at this, Magnus glances pointedly down at Alec's open notebook, looking at said handwriting. Strange, it almost looks more decipherable when glancing at it upside down.

“It isn't _terrible,_ ” Alec sounds petulant as he mock-frowns, and the expression finally makes Magnus laugh quietly.

And so, they keep on exchanging random tidbits and facts they’ve learnt about each other. When there’s a gap in knowledge from one, the other will talk about it more. They end up on random tangents and other funny stories, and Magnus finds it interesting how easy it is to fall into conversation with Alec. They keep this up, never once again looking at their computers, until a stern-looking lady comes up to them, interrupting Alec’s story about his sister, Isabelle, to let them know that the library is about to close.

When the lady stalks away with a disgruntled expression on her stout face, Magnus quickly checks his phone. “Wow, it’s nearly 7pm. And we actually did nothing,” Magnus sighs.

Alec just leans further forward. “We didn’t do _nothing._ We just got distracted. I guess that means we’ll need to meet again to actually finish this,” Alec, frankly, doesn’t sound too disappointed at the prospect, and his brow is furrowed in thought.

It makes Magnus want to evaluate how he feels.

He _should_ be annoyed. Even though one of his assignments got handed in only a few days ago, he still has a couple more to worry about, and everything’s getting quite busy. They had planned for today to be the last time they would need to meet before the lecture in 3 days time. Magnus _usually_ doesn’t like when things like this throw a spanner in the plan.

But the key word here is _usually_. Because honestly, right now, Magnus really doesn’t mind that they’ll need to meet again, and he doesn’t regret how the day has gone. In fact, he might actually be looking forward to more time with Alexander.

As the two of them pack up their stuff, Magnus chuckles slightly. “I guess you’re right,” he replies simply.

And the smile Alec mirrors back teems with an emotion Magnus can’t name, something delightfully secretive about it, that has Magnus mirroring the expression back, a sense of _possibility_ wavering between them in this moment, in the dim quiet of the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah the whole enemies thing didn't last very long (tbh they were never rlly enemies to begin with but whatever)
> 
> Come say hi on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/onalonaa) and on instagram (where I make crusty edits) [here](https://www.instagram.com/onalonaa/) if you want <3
> 
> Thanks for reading! Don't be afraid to leave a comment/kudos! Lots of love <3


	3. some infinitely gentle, infinitely suffering thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Magnus may be just a little bit infatuated with Alexander Lightwood. ___
> 
> __A simple lecture, an unforgettable evening, and meaningful realisations - both good and bad._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back. In other news, I finished my english exam that tested Eliot a bit ago, and I think it went decent?
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy the fruits of my procrastination (but this time next week, I'll be free of exams and can write for fun and not have it count as procrastinating omg exciting)!

* * *

_i am moved by fancies that are curled_  
_around these images, and cling_  
_the notion of some infinitely gentle_  
_infinitely suffering thing  
_ ****\- preludes** **

* * *

 

_What the fuck is going on?_

Surely Magnus must be missing something. Is there some exam coming up soon? That must be it, and it's the only thing that explains why, for once, the library is absolutely full. There's literally nowhere to sit.

Students are crammed into seemingly every nook and cranny of the library, heads buried in books and computers, the only sounds being the scratching of pen against paper, the insidious sounds of typing and the occasional cough.

Magnus glances to the side and notes that Alec looks just as confused, eyes wide and brow furrowed. The two of them spend minutes, glancing and peering around, but they seriously can't find anywhere to sit.

Eventually, the two of them make their way back to the main foyer. Unlike the silence of the main library, there's a steady thrum of noise in the foyer, undercut with the sounds of the rain bearing down outside.

The downpour is terrible, a torrential storm currently blasting through all of New York. Magnus had even accidentally stepped in a puddle on their way here. Alec had laughed, and Magnus had definitely _not_ thought the sound was cute. But beyond that, the disgusting weather means that they can't finish their lecture outside either, which means that right now, they’re running out of options. To make matters worse, the lecture is tomorrow morning, and they really do need to finish it now.

“Well, now what?” Alec asks aloud, scratching his head as he glances out the automatic glass doors. As if in response to the question, the sky flashes above, followed by a thunderous crash a moment later.

 _Pathetic fallacy,_ Magnus thinks grimly to himself.

An idea pops into Magnus’ head, and he only hesitates for a brief moment before he says, “We can study at my place. In the dorms.”

Alec arches an eyebrow. “Wait, is that really ok? Are you sure? I don't want to impose,” Alec mumbles, but his gaze is trained on the heavy diagonal sheets of rain outside as he speaks, like he's trying to will the rain away.

Shaking his head lightly, Magnus chuckles. “Nonsense. I offered. It seems like there's nowhere else for us to go, and it's only a few minutes walk from here.”

Alec looks like he wants to argue with a counter point, but Magnus fixes him with a look that gets Alec to just nod his head instead. With that, the two of them get their umbrellas out, and after a brief moment of hesitation, they open them up as they exit the library.

Half the struggle is the fight against the wind, which seems to be just blowing the rain right onto Magnus even with his trusty umbrella. The weather whips and winds around them, a force of nature, and Magnus tries to keep himself and his umbrella upright as he walks ahead, hoping that Alec is following behind him.

Now, Magnus is trying to remember if the room is even that clean. It's not like he considers himself a slob, but now that he's so unexpectedly invited Alec to come along, he can't help but wonder. Maia left this morning for a three day field trip (something about a practical investigation of endangered marine species) so at least they won't be expecting any random visitors. It’ll just be him and Alec, alone.

For some reason, this gives Magnus pause. It really isn’t that big of a deal, and Magnus is the one who offered. It’s just, Magnus usually doesn’t like inviting people over, even his very close friends, and it’s not like he knows Alec incredibly well.

Alright, so he knows that Alec has a sister and a brother he loves more than anything in the world. He knows that blond boy is actually his best friend since childhood. He knows that Alec used to be really good at archery, and he knows that he has family dinner once a month for traditions sake, and he knows that Alec got that scar on his eyebrow from when he’d misjudged and consequently taken a baseball to the face. He knows that Alec’s mouth always turns up more on the right side than the left when he does that amused half-smile of his, and he knows that Alec is one of the smartest, most diligent people he has ever met, and he knows that, in the course of two weeks, Alec Lightwood has somehow subverted every judgemental thing that Magnus had originally thought of him, has flipped it all so fantastically on its head.

Huh. Maybe he knows Alec better than he thought.

After the last time they met, Magnus actually reckons that they could still be friends after this lecture is over. Nothing major, but enough to warrant a wave of the hand when they walk past each other on the lawn in future. A subtle nod in the lecture hall upon eye contact. Maybe a smile. Maybe one of Alec’s amused half-smiles, where his mouth turns up more on the right side than the left.

“Hey,” Alec’s voice cuts through Magnus’ train-of-thought, somehow reaching him even with the rain and wind pounding his ears. “Everything ok? You went all… quiet.”

Magnus shakes his head, spares a thought for how polite the guy is, before he turns his head a bit to see Alec looking at him with concern. “Just tired, I guess,” he lies. Not like he can admit that he was lost in thought, lost in the thought of Alec, of all things.

They continue walking in comfortable silence, and when Magnus purposely avoids stepping in another puddle, Alec snickers. Magnus can barely hear it over the sound of the storm surrounding them, but he picks up on the sound nonetheless.

By the time they get to Magnus’ room, they’re both quite wet. The combination of the forceful winds and the torrential rain means that, even though they’re not drenched, their clothes have gotten quite damp, despite their umbrellas.

As Alec closes the door behind the two of them, Magnus doesn’t miss the shiver, doesn’t miss the way that Alec rubs his hands together in an effort to keep warm.

“You can borrow some of my clothes, if you want,” the words seem to come out of Magnus’ mouth on their own accord, and he’s rushing to his drawer to get something out before he’s really thinking about what he’s doing. “I mean, you must be freezing. I should change too, and while we work, we can lay your clothes out to dry properly so they’re ready for when you need to go.”

Alec is shaking his head profusely by the time Magnus has thrown together a small pile of warm clothes to give to him. “Magnus, don’t worry about me, really. I’ll be fine,” Alec smiles, but Magnus doesn’t miss the slight chatter of his teeth. He’s shoving the pile of clothes in Alec’s hands before he can say anything else.

“Nonsense. Don’t want you sick for the lecture,” Magnus tries to play off his concern, rounding out the rawness of his worry with an attempt at a joke as he winks. It seems to work, and Alec chuckles weakly. He’s still standing there, glancing a little dumbly around, when Magnus turns back around to the drawers to get some clothes for himself.

Shrugging his jacket off, Magnus begins to lift up his shirt to change it, when he turns to see Alec, still staring at him. He hasn’t made a move. Magnus pauses, arms still contorted a little strangely with the edge of his shirt in his hands.

“Ah, Alexander, the whole point of the clothes you’re holding is you’re meant to change into them,” Magnus smirks.

Alec’s face turns bright red, and he mumbles something about using the dorm bathroom before he practically bolts out of the room.

 _Strange,_ Magnus thinks in bewilderment to himself as he turns back around to change. Man, he should’ve offered to change in the bathrooms if the thought of changing in the same room really was _that_ off-putting for Alec. He is the host here.

 _Maybe he doesn’t want to change in the same room as a bisexual man,_ Magnus reflects. The thought is confronting, sobering, and Magnus puts it out of his head before it even fully forms.

It’s too late anyway, so Magnus just finishes off changing, putting his damp clothes in the hamper before he drags their bags to the centre of the room. The desk is too tiny for two people, so it looks like they’ll be doing this on the floor, covered in cheap scratchy carpet. Magnus brings out both their computers, takes out both their notebooks and pencil cases, and sets everything up on the floor. He’s just finished his little set-up when he hears the door open again. The sound turns Magnus’ gaze up, and his mouth goes dry when he sees Alec.

The first thing that really registers is that everything fits except for the sleeve length and the pants are a little short. Magnus boils that down to Alec’s freakishly long limbs. But after those initial musings, other thoughts formulate in his head.

 _Fuck,_ Alec usually isn’t the type to wear tight-fitting stuff, unlike Magnus. So Alec wearing Magnus’ long-sleeve black shirt only serves to accentuate the toned muscles of his torso and arms underneath. But it’s not just that.

The thing that makes the shirt stand out is the sequined words, _BLINK IF YOU WANT ME,_ in the centre of the shirt. The shirt, paired with Magnus’ pair of sweatpants, all make Alec look, surprisingly, so much softer than usual. Magnus feels a strange pang in his heart, seeing Alec wearing his clothes, a pang that feels sweet and heavy like honey in his chest as Alec closes the door behind him with a meek smile.

“Blink if you want me?” Alec laughs as he sits down. “I mean, thank you for the clothes, but really?”

Magnus can’t bring himself to be annoyed. He soaks in the sound of Alec's breathless chuckles, his handsome face scrunched up a little, and this time, he can't lie to himself.

The sound of Alec's laughter is ridiculously cute.

~

“So,” Magnus begins, voice loud and commanding. It grabs everyone's attention, and Magnus even notes a couple people who look like they were planning to snooze, now jolted by the sound of him speaking. “T.S. Eliot. You hear the name, and you can't help but think he's a bit of an emo pain in the ass.”

A few people snicker at that.

“And let me tell you, upon first glance, you'd be right,” Magnus surveys the crowd of people in the lecture hall, smiles sweetly. “Unfortunately, writing 'T.S. Eliot is an emo pain in the ass’ is not going to get you any sympathetic marking.”

More people chuckle at that.

“So today, we're going to teach you some… fancier ways of saying 'T.S. Eliot is an emo pain in the ass,’ ways that'll actually sound pretty smart and score you some marks along the way,” Magnus beams. “Hopefully it'll help.”

Luke is sitting off to the side, and he nods slowly with an easy smile on his face. And just like that, the lecture starts.

They talk about a variety of things, trying to keep the tone light and also answering any questions they can to the best of their ability. It's a consistent dialogue between the two of them, considering how they alternate in speaking with every slide.

Alec is sympathetic and warm, patient in how he speaks, and holding just a touch of shyness that makes his words even more endearing. Magnus finds himself hanging onto every word he says, even though Magnus himself already knows all of Alec's points, has even heard Alec say them before in their half-assed version of a rehearsal. But something about seeing him here, with his awkward little mannerisms like how he fiddles with the edge of his leather jacket, and yet also with the intelligent way he speaks and answers questions, brings a smile to Magnus’ face.

It’s the first real time that Magnus is able to observe Alec without Alec looking back. He feels ridiculous pride when he hears a chorus of enlightened “ahs” echoing in the hall when Alec explains what the objective correlative is, and the thought that Alec would make a great teacher hurtles through Magnus’ mind.

It’s nice. It’s a side of Alexander Lightwood that Magnus has never really thought about, but it does make sense. The image is suddenly crystal clear in his mind - Alec as a professor in the future.

Magnus likes to think the whole endeavour is a success by the end, considering that no one ends up asleep by the end of the lecture. When they finally finish, there’s even some nice rich applause. Half the volume can probably be attributed to Alec’s friends, clapping loudly and making Alec blush a little. And Magnus doesn’t find himself annoyed, but instead finds it sweet, how supportive they all are.

A couple of people afterwards even come up to them, thanking them for their lecture, and Magnus feels really happy to hear that this ended up being helpful for people.

Luke is beaming when he walks up to the two of them afterwards, still at the front as they try and disconnect Alec’s laptop from the projector.

“Awesome work, both of you,” Luke cheers as he approaches them. “I knew you both could do it. I reckon you guys really did everyone a service today.”

“We’re just glad we could help,” Alec smiles, finally shoving his laptop into its case and straightening.

“Now don’t worry, I didn’t forget. You’re both definitely getting extra credit for this,” Luke sends a knowing look in both of their directions. Magnus is surprised. He’d totally forgotten about extra credit in the midst of all this.

Funny. It’d been the thing to motivate him at the start of all this, but making this lecture turned into something more enriching and surprisingly fun than a means to an end. And meeting and getting to know Alec… that’s been a positive to everything.

Luke interrupts Magnus’ thoughts by loudly clapping him on the back. “Alright you two, get out of here already,” he chuckles affectionately.

“Alec!” a loud call makes the three of them all glance to the main door to the lecture hall. “Come on! We have to go!”

It’s coming from blond boy - Jace. His gaze connects with Magnus’ and he grins. “Hey, Magnus! We’re having a party tonight, and you should totally come!” Jace beams.

Magnus smiles warmly at him and the invitation, but he opens his mouth, all ready to decline. Alec’s voice cuts through, though.

“Yeah, Magnus, you should come. You know, to celebrate finishing this lecture. It’s one night, and you don’t have to stay for long if you don’t want to,” Alec turns, facing Magnus with wholehearted sincerity in his voice. If Magnus didn’t know any better, he’d think that Alec is really hoping he’ll say yes.

Something about his words, or maybe it’s his stupidly warm expression, makes Magnus just nod slowly.

“Ok, I’ll come,” Magnus agrees. He turns back to face Jace, and yells, “Thank you, I’ll be there!”

Jace shoots a goofy thumbs up in their direction, and Magnus feels a pang of guilt for ever thinking so harshly about the guy without ever even having a conversation with him. It’s quickly becoming clear to Magnus that it’s a bit of a problem for him - jumping to conclusions and judging as such.

Magnus turns back, finds Alec looking at him with that half-smile of his, excitement dancing in the hazel of his eyes, and any doubt melts away at the sight.

Sure, he doesn’t normally do parties. But he does like the idea of meeting new people, of celebrating. Celebrating with Alec.

 _Woah, Magnus,_ he thinks to himself. _Slow down right there._

A small part of him, miniscule, doesn’t want to. A small part of him wants to jump in, and not look back. But jump into what, Magnus still doesn't know.

~

Jace's house is fucking massive, and it's only a few minutes walk from the University of Alicante.

When Magnus enters, he hears as well as feels the pounding beat of the music, rattling him to his bones, as he is welcomed inside.

“Hey, Magnus!” Jace comes up to Magnus in the hallway entrance, hugging the bespeckled boy to his side (Simon, Magnus recalls) with one arm, and holding a red cup in his other hand. They don't seem drunk, per se, but definitely a little tipsy. “We're so glad we can finally meet you! I'm Jace, and that's Simon.”

“Same here,” Magnus chuckles. “Alec's told me quite a bit about you guys.”

Simon whistles. “If only you knew how much Alec talked about you. I swear he-”

“What're we talking about?” Alec's deep voice makes Magnus whirl on the spot, and he's surprised to find Alec looking equal parts mortified and murderous as he shoots a stern look in Simon's direction. There's an edge of steel to his voice that allows for no argument, and Simon doesn't finish what he's saying. Magnus tilts his head in confusion, wondering what Simon could've been talking about, but then Alec turns to face him, and Magnus forgets all about it.

His hair, usually already a fluffy mess, looks even more dishevelled now. His face is handsome enough so that it works. He's wearing a buttoned-up denim shirt and black pants, and something about how cramped they all are in the hallway entrance just emphasises how tall he is.

Magnus gulps. He's not dumb. Objectively, Alec is attractive. With those pretty eyes and that cute smile, how could he not be?

“Alexander,” Magnus sighs, trying to shake his head to avoid any more thoughts about how objectively handsome Alec is.

“Hey Magnus,” the steel in Alec’s gaze dissolves into warmth as he gazes down at Magnus. “I'm really happy you decided to come. I know parties aren't exactly your scene.”

Magnus laughs breezily. “I'm already feeling at home with your friends here,” he flicks his gaze back to Jace and Simon. They grin at the mention, and Alec just rolls his eyes.

“Want to get something to drink?” Alec asks politely.

“Hey Alec, I’m the host here,” Jace gestures to himself, a small frown on his face. Alec reaches across and lightly shoves his face, smirking in amusement.

“Yeah, I could go for a beer,” Magnus glances at all of them with a small smile. With a sharp nod, Alec grabs his arm, maybe a tad too roughly, and drags him away from Jace and Simon.

“If I didn’t know any better, Alexander, I’d say you’d want me all to yourself,” Magnus jabs, chuckling as he lets himself be dragged along until they get to the kitchen. There aren’t too many people, and Alec navigates with a practiced ease that indicates he knows the home of his best friend well, quickly making his way to the fridge to grab two beer bottles. Alec doesn’t say anything in response to that, just glances downward as he pops open his beer bottle and takes a really long swig.

Magnus, in contrast, just sips his drink slowly.

“I, uh…” Alec says after a moment. “I like your makeup.”

Magnus reaches up, the tips of his fingers touching his cheek. “How sweet of you, Alexander,” Magnus smiles.

Alec shakes his head to himself a little. “I don’t know, it just… I mean, it’s cool. Like, it really brings out your eyes,” he giggles, a slight blush on his face. Only now does it register to Magnus that Alec’s a little tipsy himself.

Magnus finds himself to be shocked by such a blunt compliment, and frankly, he doesn’t know how to react. The hesitation makes Alec’s face morph into one of fear, and for a moment, he seems to sober up.

“Sorry, that was weird. Like, not like I didn’t mean it, it’s just… sorry,” Alec finishes, glancing away and taking another swig of beer.

“Don’t apologise, Alexander. Thank you,” Magnus smiles, urging Alec to look back at him. After a moment, he does, and he mirrors Magnus’ smile as he holds out his beer bottle.

“We never toasted. To, you know, not totally sucking with our lecture today,” Alec glances pointedly at Magnus’ own beer bottle. Chuckling to himself, Magnus holds out his own bottle.

“To T.S. Eliot, the biggest emo pain in the ass we love,” Magnus laughs.

“I’ll drink to that,” Alec replies as they clink their beer bottles together before they both drink some more of their beers.

As the two of them continue to drink their beers and idly chat, Magnus finds himself fixated to Alec’s compliment from before. It’s not like it’s the first time Magnus has received a compliment, but something about Alec saying it to him makes him feel… happy? Surprised? Shocked? A combination of everything?

They slowly dawdle along, occasionally getting stopped by someone saying hi to Alec, and introducing themselves to Magnus, until they make it to the main living area. There’s a karaoke set-up at the front, and currently, Jace is giving a smashing rendition of Whitney Houston up there, to the amusement of everyone else watching. It’s quite entertaining, Magnus has to admit, and Alec is cackling when Jace shrieks in an attempt to reach a high note.

At the end of the song, the room erupts into thundering applause, and Jace spots Alec in the crowd. He points, eyes wide. “ALEC! Get up here, you beautiful son of a bitch! I need a duet partner,” Jace calls out.

Everyone around them hollers, and Alec shrugs, before nodding a little sheepishly. He spares a glance that almost looks apologetic in Magnus’ direction before he walks up to the front, joining Jace and grabbing a microphone for himself. Jace picks a song, and it starts just a moment later.

 _“Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains,_ _  
_ _I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I let you go and blow my mind.”_

Magnus bops his head along, nostalgia coursing through him as he listens. The two of them at the front look incredibly goofy, but it’s also hilarious to watch them. Neither of them are really holding the tune very well, but it’s amusing nonetheless. A couple of people even jokingly get their phones out and turn on the flashlight, waving their arms with phones in hand in time with the music.

 _“Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream, I dream._ _  
_ _I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind.”_

Magnus doesn’t miss it. Alec looks at him when he sings that, beaming extra bright, and Magnus takes a long sip of his beer to hide his giggly smile at the sight.

 _One of my kind._ Magnus likes the sound of that, almost ridiculously so.

He has to admit, watching drunk people attempt to sing (or, in a few hilarious cases, rap in a foreign language) is terribly amusing. It’s like people watching, but on steroids. Alec gets up and sings quite a few songs with an array of different people, and Magnus likes sitting near the back of the living room, watching on fondly and drinking more alcohol in the process. It's not like he has many friends here, and he has to admit that as Alec gets more drunk and starts to sing more brazenly, Magnus may be storing some prime embarrassing footage for the future on his phone.

 _The future._ It hits Magnus like a shockwave. Their lecture is over, and yet Alec had still extended Jace’s offer in coming.

They’re cool. Magnus likes that they’re friends.

And what Simon and Jace had been saying when he’d first arrived sticks in his mind a little.

_If only you knew how much Alec talked about you._

But before Magnus can puzzle it out any further, he sees Alec holding a hand out in the direction of the small audience, and it takes a solid 30 seconds until Magnus registers that Alec is looking at him. He’s holding out a hand for _him._ Magnus is shaking his head immediately, but he hears jostling cheers, feels someone elbowing him in the direction of the stage.

Maybe if he was sober, Alec would feel too shy and subsequently stop trying, but right now, he’s got this giant dopey smile on his face and he won’t drop it. “Come on, Magnus,” Alec says. It’s not too loud, and Magnus almost misses it, but something about it all makes Magnus square his shoulders and begin to make his way up to Alec.

He grabs Alec’s hand for a moment, as he gets pulled up onto the raised platform, and Magnus can only blame the alcohol for the strange way he shivers at the contact. When he’s properly upright, Alec lets his hand go in favour of chucking a mic in Magnus’ direction. He’s thankful that he’s able to catch it, or else end up looking like a giant fool in front of quite a few people.

“Fine,” Magnus grumbles, but the smirk on his face just reveals he doesn’t actually feel too bad. “But I get music choice.” Alec just nods, satisfied, it seems, that he even managed to get Magnus up here. With that comforting thought, Magnus turns to the small laptop set-up and tries to think of a song to put on that both of them would know.

An idea strikes him, and he nods before he clicks onto the song in mind.

The instrumental is pretty easy to discern, and Magnus doesn’t miss the awed surprise in Alec’s gaze when he turns to him upon hearing the start of the song.

“Lauv? Really?” Alec asks quietly.

“Alexander, I like him too, you know” Magnus retorts. He obviously didn’t choose it just because he remembers that Alec had told him before that Lauv is his favourite singer. Of course not.

They can’t really fit any more words in when the singing starts.

_“To be young and in love in New York City.”_

A couple of people drunkenly cheer at the mention of New York City.

_“To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me.”_

Magnus and Alec exchange glances at each other, and Alec playfully shoots finger guns in Magnus’ direction with his free hand. Magnus can’t help but laugh, almost missing the cue for the next line. He knows it’s for the sake of the karaoke, but he appreciates the gesture nonetheless.

_“To be drunk and in love in New York City.”_

Drunk, maybe. Magnus is certainly on his way there. In love? Not so much. But he sees Alec’s playful grin as he spins on the spot, and _something_ in that line resonates within Magnus.

 _“Midnight into morning coffee,_ _  
_ _Burning through the hours talking.”_

Magnus reflects on study dates (he doesn't mind calling them that anymore) and library chats and finds the lyrics surprisingly relatable.

 _“Damn, I like me better when I'm with you,_  
_I like me better when I'm with you._  
_I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause,_  
_I like me better when,_ _  
_ I like me better when I'm with you.”

Alec is singing to the crowd, but Magnus only has eyes for Alec.

And when Alec turns to face him, hazel eyes alight with drunken glee, and as he mouths cheesily _I like me better when I’m with you_ during the instrumental in the song with a sloppy grin plastered to his face, realisation hits Magnus in his tipsy state. It’s something that has slowly but surely built up from the first moment Magnus met Alexander Lightwood. But there’s no denying it now. How can he deny it, when Alec is looking at him like that?

Magnus may be just a little bit infatuated with Alexander Lightwood.

~

Meliorn seems nice, even if he’s a little overt in his attempts to convert Magnus to veganism. But Magnus is quite buzzed at this point, and every little thing seems really entertaining to him.

Meliorn excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Magnus checks his phone. His eyes nearly bug out of his head when he realises that it’s approaching 3 in the morning.

Quickly, Magnus makes his way to the foyer. He really should’ve left hours ago, but the time had pleasantly whizzed by.

Just when he’s about to breeze out the front door, a hand latches onto his arm. Magnus almost screams from shock, and spins around to see Alec looking at him with concern.

Now that Magnus has a certain level of awareness to his feelings, seeing Alec alone just brings an easy smile to his face.

“Hey, sorry I lost you for a bit,” Alec whispers.

Magnus shakes his head. They had been separated a while ago, and Magnus actually reckons the space was helpful. “I wouldn’t want to hold you down. And you’ll be happy to hear that I actually met some pretty cool people. Made some friends,” Magnus chuckles.

He’s not wrong. He ran into a couple of people from the LGBTQ+ society here, and met some other pretty awesome people. Magnus’ comment is kind-of meant to be a joke, but Alec’s little smile looks surprisingly proud.

“Glad to hear. But are you leaving now?” Alec asks quietly.

“Yeah, I lost track of time, and it’s seriously late,” Magnus explains.

“Let me walk you,” Alec blurts out. Magnus is opening his mouth to retort, not wanting to inconvenience Alec and take him out of the party prematurely, but a loud crash of thunder outside stops him from speaking.

“Fuck,” Magnus sighs out instead, as the sounds of heavy downpour reach him from just beyond the front door.

“You didn’t bring an umbrella,” Alec ascertains, a sly grin on his face. “But guess who did?”

Magnus can’t really argue after that. Not if he wants to stay dry.

A few minutes later, the two of them are leaving Jace’s home, with Jace and Simon cheering goodbyes behind them as the two of them huddle under the umbrella. It’s really only meant for one person, so they have to squish in real close to stay dry. And obviously, this proximity, combined with the alcohol, is doing wonders for Magnus’ giddiness right now.

The terrible weather from yesterday had seemed to clear up magically by today, and Magnus obviously hadn’t checked the weather report for this late (or really, this early). So yeah, he hadn’t remembered an umbrella. Then again, he didn’t think he would’ve ended up staying for so long, but it seems like Magnus is breaking out of his comfort zone in a lot of ways tonight.

 _There’s a reason for that,_ his mind conjures the thought as he glances to the side, sees Alec looking at the pavement as they walk.

“Thank you,” Magnus mumbles sincerely. He’s worried Alec won’t be able to hear over the sounds of the rain, but he sees Alec turn his head with a short smile to show he’s listening. “I really should’ve brought an umbrella.”

“It’s alright, really,” Alec replies. “I offered.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence after that, and the walk in the brisk cool weather definitely seems to sober the two of them up a little, by the time they get to the dorm. Magnus quietly guides Alec to come to his room, because it doesn’t seem like Alec is intent on leaving just yet, and it’s not like they can discuss anything in the hallways, when some people are trying to sleep.

Magnus shuts the bedroom door quietly behind him, walking over to switch the lamp on. Alec is already half-lying on Magnus’ bed by the time Magnus turns around, and the sight is seriously hilarious, enough to make Magnus chuckle quietly.

“It just hit me. How tired I am,” Alec mumbles, eyes fluttering shut.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep there, Lightwood,” Magnus jabs, poking Alec’s leg with his foot. “Come on, move over.” Magnus doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he just knows that a moment later, the two of them are sitting on his bed, backs against the wall, shoulders touching as their legs dangle off the other side of the bed.

“Thanks, for inviting me today,” Magnus mutters after a moment, not knowing how else to break the silence, looking at his feet.

“I didn’t invite you, Jace did,” Alec counters.

“He invited me _because_ of you,” Magnus rephrases. “I had fun. And now, I have so much blackmail material on you if our friendship ever turns sour in the form of drunk karaoke videos.”

Alec groans, head tipping back a little to hit the wall. “Ugh, sober Alec better get you to delete those,” he mumbles gruffly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Magnus laughter is unashamed at the comment, and he shakes his head a little to himself.

His voice is quiet, but Magnus picks up on the sincerity in the comment nonetheless, when Alec whispers, “I’m happy you had fun. I feel like you need it, sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” Magnus asks, though he already has an inkling of where this is going.

“Come on, Magnus,” Alec side-eyes Magnus with an unimpressed glance. “You’re always cooped up somewhere, studying. Or if not, just staying so deeply burrowed away from the rest of the world sometimes.”

Magnus doesn’t really know how to argue against that. It’s not like Alec’s wrong or anything.

“Why do you do that to yourself?” Alec asks quietly. “One day, you’re going to overwork yourself. Get hurt.”

Magnus leans back a little, surprise clear in his expression. Alec sounds dead serious. He sounds seriously worried, and something about it tugs at Magnus’ heart a little. Even if he does have a habit of studying and working hard, he’s never heard anyone worry he’ll hurt himself from overworking. Even Clary, or Raph, Cat and Ragnor. Everyone is always swept up in their own things, and Magnus has always been like this, so it’s not like it really warrants the concern.

“I appreciate the concern, Alec, but really. I’m fine,” Magnus replies, voice low.

Alec sighs, closing his eyes a little. Now the two of them are facing each other, their heads leaning against the wall, bodies turned inward to face each other. If not for the rattling breaths he takes, Magnus could almost imagine Alec is asleep.

After a long moment, Alec opens his eyes again. “You know, I used to do that too. Work a lot. Keep myself cooped up. Reach for as high as I could. And then…” Alec trails off, and he sniffs quietly. The sound makes Magnus reach up tentatively to grab Alec’s shoulder, a sign of his support.

“Magnus, it’s not worth it. Believe me,” Alec says after a long moment. And he sounds so pained and tired and weary and pleading, and it hurts Magnus just to hear it.

“Alexander, please. You don’t need to worry about me,” Magnus replies.

“I don’t care,” Alec says immediately, voice a little harder now. “I’ve been there, Magnus, and it doesn’t end well. It almost ended with me dropping out of college a few months ago.”

The revelation hits Magnus hard. He hears the concern, feels it deep in his soul, and something about it all seems to explain so many things about Alec in Magnus’ head.

It’s why Alec said his marks haven’t been stellar, even though Magnus knows for a fact that he’s really smart. It explains why Alec’s life seems so much more balanced than Magnus’. It explains why he’d been so damn passionate, that day in the library.

_You can't base all your self-worth just on how you perform academically,_

“I’m sorry about that, Alexander. Really, I am,” Magnus keeps his voice soft, and he feels the urge to reach out and touch Alec’s face, but he holds back, keeping his grip friendly and platonic on Alec’s shoulder. “But this is different. I have to do what I do. I just… do.”

“Why?” Alec asks, voice broken and quiet and distant.

The words _for the scholarship_ are on the tip of Magnus’ tongue, but something about Alec’s searching eyes, and the alcohol loosening Magnus’ tongue, makes him speak a little more liberally.

“I can’t achieve what I want to without working hard, Alec. To keep the scholarship so I have a roof over my head. So I can achieve what I want to,” Magnus spiels, and he figures out a moment too late that he’s said too much. He knows this is true when Alec’s brow furrows in what Magnus interprets as confused curiosity. _Stupid alcohol,_ Magnus thinks in muddled irritation with himself.

“How cryptic,” Alec muses quietly. “What do you mean?”

If he were sober, Magnus would be able to spin the conversation away from where they’re going. They’re entering dangerous territory, stuff Magnus usually isn’t fond of sharing.

Only a handful of people know of all the skeletons in Magnus’ closet, and yet, even though he’s only really known Alec for a couple of weeks, he feels the deep innate urge to just talk to him. There’s a hollowed look in Alec’s eyes, and that, combined with the weariness in his words from before, resonates deep within Magnus’ soul.

_I’ve been there, Magnus, and it doesn’t end well._

Magnus isn’t in the right headspace. He’s aware of himself, enough to know that he’s pretty drunk, and he wants to spill everything, and he likes being here, sitting next to Alec and sharing this space. He wants to let Alec know that Magnus gets it. He wants Alec to know that he’ll be ok. He retracts the hand that had been holding onto Alec’s shoulder, and instead rubs his hands together a little nervously.

He can’t keep looking into those deep hazel eyes, so Magnus glances down at his lap, follows the movement of his hands with his gaze.

“That fancy scholarship you mentioned before,” Magnus begins. “It’s the infamous _Idris Scholarship_ and I’m pretty sure it's illegal, how strict they are with. They take it away so easily, if you slip up just a little bit. There's a conspiracy theory that it only exists for diversity points here.”

Alec nods, but his gaze seems to indicate that he can sense that Magnus is skirting around the issue.

“But it's more than that,” Magnus admits quietly. “I'm hoping to transfer into law. Become a lawyer, specialise in pediatric.”

 _Why is he running his mouth so much?_ Magnus can count on his two hands, the number of people that know that about him.

Alec’s eyes widen, almost bugging out of his head a little. If it were any other situation, Magnus may have even laughed a little at the shocked expression.

“You need to be top of the course to get that transfer,” Alec mumbles.

Magnus nods. “Exactly.”

“Oh, you’ll easily get into law then,” Alec says, and he sounds so sure of himself that Magnus almost laughs. Almost.

“Yeah, well, I appreciate your faith,” Magnus utters.

Magnus hears the intake of breath that suggests Alec wants to say something, but for a long moment, there is only silence. And whilst there are times where Magnus would normally bask in the quiet, he wants to know what’s on Alec’s mind. Just as he’s about to ask, he hears Alec’s tentative voice.

“If you don’t mind me asking… why? Why law, and why pediatric?” Alec questions. And it’s obvious that his questions come from nothing but genuine interest and friendly curiosity.

Magnus finally looks up, switching his gaze from his fiddling hands to Alec’s face, and there’s some unspoken _something_ in the twinkle of his eye, in the concerned tilt of his face. And even though, rationally, Magnus knows he shouldn’t lay this all on Alec now, when they’re both pretty drunk and it’s past 3 in the morning, and when Magnus has only really known the guy for about two weeks, that unspoken _something_ that Magnus sees reflected to him in Alec’s face makes him think that, maybe, he can say what he wants to.

Alec has already been very open, and honest, and Magnus is surprised to find that he doesn’t want to shy away from doing the same thing.

“I got thrown around a lot of different places when I was younger. Foster system,” Magnus explains as succinctly and efficiently as he can. “And I guess, somewhere in between all the moving and the yelling and the dissonance and the fear, I thought, I should become a lawyer. Specialise in child law, so one day, I can help kids like me.”

“Woah,” Alec breathes out. “Oh, Magnus. That’s terrible, truly. I’m so sorry.”

Magnus laughs coldly, almost self-deprecating. “Yeah, well. That was the hand I was dealt. So I’ve always tried really hard. It’s just… how you get through,” Magnus continues.

Alec cocks a brow. “I’m surprised you didn’t get straight into law from high school,” Alec says, expression conveying the surprised confusion. There’s even a hint of a jovial chuckle to his voice.

Something about the comment hits a nerve, and Magnus is surprised to find himself getting a little teary. The comment sounds off-handed, maybe even Alec’s attempt to make Magnus feel better by lightening the mood, but he must notice the shift in Magnus’ mood, for only a moment later, Alec’s hand comes up to Magnus’ shoulder, a gesture filled with support and security.

“Senior year. I was stuck with this son of a bitch,” Magnus admits wetly.

_Why is he saying all this? Why the fuck is he admitting all this?_

And yet, it feels right. Because he knows without a doubt, that Alec will get it.

“Probably the biggest asshole one could ever meet. That house, during my senior year, was where I was constantly terrorised. Verbally, emotionally, physically. School was not my priority, and I -” Magnus chokes on a cry, and Alec is immediately hugging him tightly, rubbing soothing circles on his back and shushing him quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says quietly, and the remorse in his tone hits Magnus right in the heart. “I kept asking you stuff. I - I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

Magnus takes in three deep breaths, tries to calm the rapid beat of his heart, and allows himself to be soothed by Alec’s soft embrace for a few moments. When his breathing is under control and there are no fresh tears forming in his eyes, Magnus slowly disentangles himself.

“No need to apologise, Alexander,” Magnus replies, wiping his face and distantly noting that his makeup probably looks like a hot mess right now. Coming back to his senses a little, Magnus sighs. “I’m sorry for laying all of that on you, I just -”

“No, don’t apologise for that, Magnus,” Alec whispers.

They sit there, facing each other, faces still so close, and for a dizzy moment, Magnus thinks Alec’s going to lean forward and kiss him. Instead, Alec looks down, bites his lip and releases a rattling breath that Magnus feels more than hears.

“Magnus, can I tell you something?” Alec questions after a long moment. “And can you promise to keep it to yourself, for now?”

Magnus nods. Of course he would. After everything he’s admitted, and after the sweet and supportive way Alec has helped him, how could he say no to that?

“I…” Alec sighs, running a hand through his unkempt hair. “I’m gay.”

He’s playing with the edge of the sleeve of his leather jacket, and his eyes are darting everywhere, but Magnus doesn’t doubt the sincerity in Alec’s admission.

“Yeah,” Alec breathes out before Magnus can say anything. And with more strength and confidence to it this time, he says louder, “I’m gay.”

“Oh Alexander,” Magnus sighs, and he registers a wild drunk delight in Alec’s eyes that makes a laugh bubble out of Magnus’ chest. “I’m proud of you, and I’m glad you told me.”

“Yeah,” Alec says, a little breathlessly. “Woah, that was easier than I thought it’d be.”

 _Holy shit,_ Magnus thinks. _Alec is gay._ As in, he’s attracted to guys. Magnus, funnily enough, happens to be a guy. And bisexual, nonetheless.

The logic of it all makes his infatuation grow.

“But I guess this is more of a practice round,” Alec adds. That gives Magnus pause.

“Wait, what?” Magnus asks, his brain a little slow on the uptake as the smile drops off his face.

“Well, it’s easier to tell someone part of the community, and already out. But my friends and family… I don’t know,” Alec mumbles. “And you’re really separate from them, so that makes it easier. It doesn’t matter.”

“Separate,” Magnus repeats, voice catching. Alec smiles, like there’s some sort-of security in that, but Magnus suddenly feels like something’s constricting his chest. “So, what? I don’t count as family or friend to you?”

Alec’s expression turns shocked, as if he’s just realising Magnus’ shift in mood. “Wait, that’s not what I meant. I ju-”

“I’m _separate,”_ Magnus interrupts, and he hates to admit it, but the word stings. “I’m just a test-run for you. _Practice.”_

Alec winces, as if the words physically revolt him. “I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“Yeah, well,” Magnus sighs, suddenly feeling terribly dejected. “Like you said. _It doesn’t matter.”_

A part of him feels like he’s blowing this out of proportion, but the tired, drunk and misguided part of him feels surprisingly hurt. It’s good, that Alec feels confident enough to tell the truth to Magnus. But it hurts, to hear that it’s only because Magnus is such a small and secular part of Alec Lightwood’s world, that he doesn’t even really count as a friend. That he only counts as practice, and his opinion doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

 _This is karma,_ Magnus thinks grimly to himself. Another realisation tonight, though not nearly as happy.  _The world is paying you back for being such a presumptuous dick at the start of all this. At the end of the day, you don't matter._

But all he says, quietly, is, “Alec, you should go.”

“Wait, no. I’m not talking right. I’m drunk and I’m never good with words to begin with, but Magnus, I would _never_ -”

“Alec, please?” Magnus asks, quietly. In the space of a few minutes, it feels like all the energy has been zapped from his body, leaving him feeling hollow, weary. Alec looks like he wants to argue, but something about Magnus’ expression must touch him in some way, because he just slowly backs out, opening the door.

“We’re not done talking about this,” Alec says, a weary promise, as if it’s more for his own benefit than Magnus’. And before Magnus can summon the energy to retort, Alec shuts the door, leaving the room.

 _How did everything just turn to shit in the span of one evening?_ Magnus falls back on the bed, and he clutches his pillow to his chest as he reaches across to turn off the desk lamp. He seriously can’t bring himself to change, take off his makeup or brush his teeth, even though he knows he'll regret it by tomorrow. His head begins to hurt, and he already fears for the terrible hangover he’s going to have in the morning.

As the room is shrouded in darkness, the overbearing silence, and the weight of Magnus’ thoughts, weigh him down, suffocating him in the quiet as he falls into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're both highkey idiots, but they are human at the end of the day. Humans make mistakes and have misunderstandings, and that's ok.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Don't forget to leave a kudos/comment. Lots of love <3


	4. do i dare disturb the universe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alec makes Magnus feel like he's truly living. ___
> 
> __A voice of reason, a much-needed chat and a chance for something incredible._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY EXAMS ARE DONE!
> 
> Enjoy this chapter as I celebrate! I promise, y'all will like it ;)

_do i dare_  
_disturb the universe?_  
_in a minute there is time,_  
_for decisions and revisions,_  
_which a minute will reverse._  
**\- the love song of j. alfred prufrock**

* * *

Magnus doesn’t know whether his head or his heart hurts more when he wakes up the next morning. He fumbles around, eyes only half-open, as he gets himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

It’s easy to focus on the early morning routine. Magnus changes, eats his breakfast (taking some painkillers along the way), brushes his teeth and prepares for his day like he always does. He pointedly ignores checking his phone, lest he see any messages or phone calls from… a certain someone.

Pushing his uneasiness to the side, into some neglected corner of his mind, ends up being pretty difficult to do, when all his mind wants to do is circle back to that conversation from last night. Or more like, early this morning. As Magnus walks to his morning lecture, it’s like the profound words echo desperately within his head. All the good and all the bad.

Alec’s promise to continue the conversation particularly sticks in Magnus’ mind, and he shakes his head fiercely to himself, as if to shake off the thought.

_We’re not done talking about this._

Maybe he’s overreacting. Surely he must. But that doesn't help how gross he feels. Even acknowledging how logically ridiculous this is doesn't stop the terrible caving-in of Magnus’ chest as he thinks of eyes of hazel. He's only human, after all.

Whatever. The best thing now is to just push the issue away for now, and worry about it when he makes it to that bridge. It's fine. Magnus is fine.

He is, really.

And so, Magnus walks, a certain briskness in his march, as if he's trying to physically escape the murkiness in his mind, the dizziness in his steps. Or maybe, he's trying to chase something. But what Magnus is chasing, he doesn't frankly know. He usually enjoys basking in the glorious scenery, and he really should, considering the storm clouds from early this morning have vanished into thin air. It's like any other day, with students all around laughing and walking along, bathed in sunlight and smiles, but Magnus keeps his gaze locked on his feet as he walks.

When he enters his first lecture for the morning, he goes to move to a seat. And when the lecture starts and he realises that there's no one sitting on either side of him, it suddenly makes him think of how lonely he really feels in times like this.

It'd never really bothered him before, sitting alone in lectures. All the more reason to focus on his work, listen and ask questions, soak up some knowledge and learn. Magnus doesn't have a huge abundance of close friends. But now, it seems like the distance between him and any other soul is so vast, even if in reality, the next person is only a few seats away from him. It's so isolating, it almost hurts.

It feels hollow and weird, and Magnus finds himself zoning out of whatever the lecturer is saying.

By the time the lecture is over and Magnus is leaving the hall, he feels like simultaneously a lifetime and a flash of a second have passed in that hall, and Magnus knows he didn't retain a single bit of information.

In the blink of an eye, it seems, it's lunch. Magnus sits on the lawn, not really registering anything happening around him. It seems like he's spent the whole day so far in a bit of a daze.

“Magnus?” His name reaches him, even deep in his own head, bringing him a little out of his haze. He's surprised to find Cat looking at him worriedly. It's the sort of look that Magnus assumes she gives to patients when she's doing practical work at the hospital - the furrowed brow of concern mixed with the analytical gaze of someone trying to figure out what's wrong, all underpinned by the sympathy in those warm brown eyes. Magnus doesn't know how to feel, being the recipient of the expression.

“Yeah, what?” Magnus asks, maybe a tad curtly, but he seriously can't help it.

“What's wrong? We've been here for half-an-hour and you haven't said one word,” Cat sighs, shaking her head a little.

“It's been dreadfully quiet, even by your usual standards,” Ragnor adds, eyebrows raised.

“Magnus,” Raphael says quietly, head tilted slightly to the side.

“Guys, I'm fine,” Magnus amends, trying to smile at all three of them. “I'm just feeling a little tired, that's all.”

The three of them sigh, easy smiles returning to their faces as they all believe the lie.

“I saw some riveting videos on Facebook this morning of a certain someone singing karaoke, actually,” Ragnor quips, and everyone laughs at that. All Magnus can manage is a weak chuckle. He wonders if he should be annoyed, that someone uploaded that onto the internet, but honest to goodness, he doesn't give a fuck. The word _karaoke_ only serves to remind Magnus of Alec and his hoarse tipsy voice and his giddy drunk smile, and Magnus shakes his head.

The others must misinterpret the action as one of embarrassment, because pretty soon, all of them are cracking jokes about the fact that _Magnus actually went to a party_ and _Magnus finally left the dorms_ and _Magnus actually didn't go to sleep at the same time as someone's grandparents._

Magnus _should_ be laughing along with them, or scolding them for making fun of him, but all he can do is offer half-hearted reactions.

He feels so heavy.

He's making such a big deal out of this, but he can't help how it hurts, to be so insignificant and small in Alec's mind. It only serves to unlock every other whispered thought, a constant background noise in his head. Thoughts of how insignificant he is, how whatever he does is not enough.

The whispers like this used to sound like the voices of all those foster parents he'd had over the years. He thinks of the son of a bitch, a man by the name of Asmodeus, with his ruthless words and dead eyes and that disdainful fondness he had for his stupid cane. But as the years have worn on, and as Magnus has grown, the whispers have slowly but surely morphed until now, where they sound like Magnus himself.

The painkillers obviously aren't doing their job, and Magnus feels another headache coming on. Wincing a little to himself, Magnus pinches his nose bridge for a moment, before releasing a breath slowly.

“I need a walk,” Magnus blurts out, standing up abruptly. And before he gets any questions or concerns from the three of them, Magnus waves, setting off in whatever direction his feet decide to take him in.

He wants to talk to Clary. He wants to talk through how he's feeling, wants another opinion. Clary would probably slap him upside the face and call him an idiot. Maybe that's what he needs right now.

Ever since he was young, Magnus has always found comfort in Clary and her parents. They know about his childhood, and their home often ended up being Magnus’ source of refuge on multiple occasions. When Magnus was being tossed between homes throughout his childhood years, they were a surprising constant in his life. Even now, Magnus has to admit - he doesn't know where he would've ended up if it weren't for them and their constant support.

Magnus itches to reach into his pocket and grab his phone, before he realises that he left his phone back in the room in an attempt at avoidance. But then he glances ahead, and promptly freezes.

Jace and Alec are ambling along the path up ahead, Jace looking a little hungover still. Alec's expression seems grim, tired, and Magnus feels like he's going to choke on a hurried breath when he registers the slowness of Alec's steps. He sees Alec's gaze, nervously wandering around, as if he's looking for something.

Or someone.

Never mind, the walk was obviously a shit idea. And before Magnus can even register it, he's striding purposefully in the opposite direction, until he finds himself at the dorms again.

He needs a nap to clear his head. Maybe then he can figure out what to do.

It’ almost as if the thought of her has somehow magically summoned her, because Magnus is shocked to find none other than Clary Fray, in the flesh, in his room when he enters.

“Magnus!” the sound of the door opening must alert her of his arrival, and she whips around from where she seems to be looking, around Magnus’ desk. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

“Says you, Biscuit,” Magnus pushes away the surprise and confusion, and he comes forward to wrap her up in a large hug. He holds on tight, savours the familiar embrace of someone who is practically his family at this point. It only hits him now, how long it has been since he last saw her, and he hates himself in the moment, for every little time he’s avoided seeing her in favour of doing work.

When they retract from the hug, Magnus fixes her with a suspicious glance, tilting his head as he looks down at her. “Now, Clary, what in the world are you doing here? I only gave you the code and the extra key for emergencies,” Magnus says, though there’s no real anger behind his words. He’s more baffled and curious, to be honest, at Clary’s sudden appearance here.

“Well, we’re doing Eliot at school right now,” Clary explains, and Magnus tries really hard not to think about T.S. Eliot of all things, keeping his expression neutral. “And I know you had just done well in your Eliot stuff, so I was going to call you to see if I could have some help. But you never answered your phone!”

Magnus winces. “Yeah, I left it in my room. Sorry,” Magnus mumbles.

“It’s alright. Anyways, I have a free period now, and I thought, maybe I can take a few things just to help me. I was going to leave a note, I swear,” Clary continues. Magnus sighs. Her high school is only a 15 minute walk from Alicante, and this isn’t the first time Clary has swooped in, taken something and apologetically left a note about it. She always returns it, no sweat, and Magnus doesn’t mind one bit.

It’s the first time he’s ever actually caught her in the act.

“It’s ok, Biscuit. You can take whatever you need,” Magnus gestures vaguely behind her, towards his desk again.

Clary claps. “Thanks Magnus!” she cheers, before she turns back around. She seems to gather whatever she needs, and Magnus just moves over to lie on his bed.

She looks like she's about to leave, already halfway to the door when she turns around, fixing Magnus with a quizzical look.

“Why are you here?” Clary asks, suspicion apparent in the squint of her eye. “Don't you have somewhere to be right now?”

“So what if I do?” Magnus questions. He realises a beat too late that he should've just lied and said he was free for the rest of the day, because Clary's eyes widen. In a flash, Clary has dumped all the stuff in her hands onto the desk unceremoniously, in favour of grabbing the desk chair and swinging it around until it's close to the bed. In a flurry of movement, she's sitting on the chair, leaning in close with concern in her eyes. She almost looks like the stereotype of a psychologist, leaning forward as she appraises Magnus lying on the bed.

“Seriously? You never miss class,” Clary mumbles. “What’s wrong?”

She isn’t wrong. Magnus seldom misses going to class and lectures. It’s just another aspect of him, and he hates skipping unless absolutely necessary, The thing is, the next lecture Magnus has is with Luke. And that means…

“Nothing’s wrong,” Magnus lies. “I'm fine.”

“Bullshit,” Clary immediately shoots back. “You look half-dead, and you never skip class.”

When he had been walking, Magnus had wanted to talk through everything with her, but now he feels just weary and tired. But Clary is stubborn and determined, and Magnus can tell from her disposition that she's not making any move to leave or back off until Magnus explains everything to her.

“I'm just tired. Party last night,” Magnus explains. It's not technically wrong.

“Once again, bullshit,” Clary shakes her head to herself, a disbelieving wince on her face. “Magnus, come on. I know you. What's wrong?”

He lets out a staggering breath at that.

“It’s complicated,” Magnus admits after a long moment. Clary just rolls her eyes. Typical.

“I have time,” Clary says, though Magnus doesn’t know if he truly believes that. He doesn’t know for sure how long her free period is. Nevertheless, he sits a little straighter on his bed, until they’re looking at each other at eye-level.

“Can I ask you something?” Clary asks, before Magnus can gather the energy to speak. So he just nods mutely, and Clary arches forward a little in her seat, almost whispering, as if it’s a secret. “Does this have to do with Alec?”

Magnus’ eyes widen. Sure, Clary knows him well, but he didn’t expect her to guess it straight-up like that. The look of confusion on his face prompts Clary to chuckle. “You got tagged on something on Facebook, and I saw you singing karaoke. And the other person tagged had been Alec.”

“But how did you -”

“Magnus, the way you were looking at him… Maybe it’s because I know you so well, but I saw it clear as day. You’re _absolutely besotted_ by the guy,” Clary emphasises, and her face is decidedly serious, eyes wide and searching. “Like, I knew you guys did that lecture together, but when I saw that video, I realised how much he meant to you.”

Magnus feels breathless, and now that he’s been confronted with Clary’s outside observation, it only serves to make him feel even more conflicted. And here he was, thinking he was subtle and chill. Obviously not, if Clary’s words are anything to go by.

“We’ve only known each other for, like, two weeks,” Magnus mumbles, almost as if he’s using the very fact to deny how quickly he’s grown fond of Alec, and his cute chuckle, and the endearing way he teaches others patiently, and his amused smile, where his mouth tilts up more on the right side than the left.

“So? That doesn’t invalidate how you feel,” Clary argues, and Magnus just nods his head a little in weary agreement.

And then, before he knows it, Magnus is talking, spieling, about everything. The first time they had met, Luke being a pleased bystander, as he had given them the chance for extra credit. The clumsy surprise Alec had turned out to be, compared to what Magnus had originally thought. The days spent in the library, full of hearty laughter, productive teamwork and surprisingly deep conversations. The time when they had walked in the rain, when Magnus had spontaneously decided to invite Alec over. The way his heart had fluttered in his chest when he’d seen Alec, standing at the front of the lecture hall and teaching, looking like he belonged there. And the evening after that, full of pleasant drinks and karaoke and the opening of Magnus’ eyes.

Discussing beyond that is a little more vague. Magnus knows Clary would never tell anyone, but he had promised Alec not to say anything about him being gay. Besides, Magnus would never want to out him to begin with. So he skirts around that all as he explains what had happened after the party. How they had sat, on this very bed that Magnus is sitting on right now, and how muddled and fuzzy everything became after that.

And he talks about how shit he’s felt since their last discussion, how the day has moved by like the run-off from a hazy storm - murky and slow and gritty and sad.

When he’s finished, Clary looks like she is legitimately at a loss for words.

“Look,” she says after a drawn-out quiet moment. “I’m getting the feeling I’m not getting the full picture. But, Magnus, from the way you’re talking… it sounds you’re already half-in-love with the guy.”

“What?” Magnus shoots back, incredulous. “No way. I mean, I -”

“And if you feel that way, then I don’t know what you’re doing here, avoiding him,” Clary bulldozes ahead, gaze soft yet determined. “Look, I don’t know this Alec guy, but from the way that you’ve described him, he sounds great. And even if you won’t give me all the details, I’m sure your falling-out is more of a misunderstanding than you’d think.”

“I mean, I guess…” Magnus trails off.

“You were both obviously drunk, tired, and, well, I think you both need to just sit down and talk it all through,” Clary advises. Magnus doesn’t say anything for a long while, letting the words roam in his mind, before Clary reaches out and tentatively touches him on the shoulder.

“Magnus, I know it’s hard,” Clary’s voice is wobbly, a little unsure, and Magnus looks into those eyes and suddenly feels like she seems far older than she really is. “I know, after everything, that sometimes, it’s easier to just close yourself off. But you need to _live,_ Magnus. And when I saw that video, and when I saw you singing with him, that was it. I saw you properly _living,_ maybe for the first time in a long while.”

Magnus’ breaths are shallow and quick, and he feels close to crying even if his eyes are dry. He just keeps breathing, letting the soothing words of someone he’s so close to wash over him.

“To me, that means he's special. So, you need to talk to him, at the very least. And if you run away, then that just shows that, no matter how book-smart you may be, you’re a real life idiot,” the words aren’t intended to be harsh, but they’re firm, and the solid metaphorical slap in the face that Magnus suddenly realises he needed.

“Ok, Biscuit,” the more that Clary’s words revolve in his head, the more determined he grows. The constant whispers in his mind, the background noise to his thoughts all day long, quieten down as only one thought shines through.

_I have to talk to Alexander._

Clary smiles then, and it’s small but it’s genuine. They reach forward, hugging each other tight for one moment, before Clary pulls back, cheeky smirk plastered on her face.

“By the way, can you send me your lecture powerpoint too?” Clary asks as she stands, moving to put the chair back in its place.

“Alright, sure,” Magnus replies as he stands up, stretching his arms a little. Clary turns back around, arms now full of all the Eliot stuff again, and Magnus chuckles affectionately. “Payment for the wonderful advice you’ve given me.”

He reaches forward to ruffle her bright red hair, and she frowns in an attempt to look pissed, but it melts away pretty quickly.

“Thanks, Magnus. I should go, my free period probably ended ages ago,” Clary sighs as she moves off, in the direction of the door. She manages to coordinate how she’s holding everything, opening the door before looking back at Magnus.

“Love you, Biscuit,” Magnus smiles.

“Love you too, Magnus,” Clary shouts back as she moves away, and Magnus can still hear her loud footsteps as she walks away, down the halls of the dorms to leave. Magnus looks at the open door for a moment, before he squares his shoulders. There’s no need to close it, because he realises now that he needs to leave too.

Turning around and reaching forward, Magnus checks his phone, which has been sitting here since this morning. He sees a few missed calls from Clary and a few text messages from… Alec.

The sight only urges Magnus onward, and he checks the time to find it’s already past 4 in the afternoon. _Shit,_ Magnus thinks. _Lecture usually ends around 4._

It’s ok, though. Magnus checks around, grabs his essentials, and double-checks his phone again. A part of him wants to text, but then Alec may not check his phone in time to see it. No, Magnus’ best bet is to make a run for the lecture hall. Maybe Alec will be hanging out with his friends outside of the hall right now. Magnus has a small window of opportunity to see him in the flesh and they can properly -

“You never miss lectures,” the voice shocks Magnus out of his planning, and he whips around in a split-second to find none other than Alexander Lightwood, leaning against the doorway with wide eyes. Magnus notes that Alec’s voice is a little breathier than usual, and it hits him, that Alec probably ran here straight after the lecture ended, to get here. To get to Magnus.

There’s a million things Magnus wants to do. He wants to apologise. He wants to ask Alec about how his day has been. He wants to reach forward and hug him close. He wants to look at him, like he did when they were singing karaoke. He wants to kiss him.

He wants to _live._

But all he can manage is a weak chuckle. “Never is a strong word,” Magnus says, but he steps forward nonetheless. Alec matches the movement, walking until they’re only a few steps away from each other.

“I need to talk to you,” Alec utters slowly. “And, I want you to listen until I’m done, please?”

The _please_ really gets Magnus. So he just nods, slowly moving until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. With the extra space, Alec starts pacing, up and down the small expanse of space in the middle of the room. He does this for a solid moment, head hunched down as if in thought, before he abruptly stops and subsequently seats himself next to Magnus. However, unlike last night, there's a little bit of distance now. It's not much, but to Magnus, the dissonance is as fast as an ocean, in the moment.

“I came out today. Properly, to my friends and my family,” Alec says after a long moment. That was not was Magnus was expecting, and he's about to say just that, but Alec stares at him until he shuts his mouth.

 _Just let Alexander talk,_ Magnus admonishes himself internally.

“That may seem sudden, but it really isn't. I've wanted to for months now, but I always found an excuse, or just delayed ever having the discussion. But I've wanted to, for quite a while now, and that's actually because of you,” Alec explains, words rushing out of him, almost like they have a life of their own.

Magnus’ eyes widen, and he wants to argue, because that surely can't be right, but Alec must know him pretty well, for he seems to read his mind. Consequently, Alec holds a hand up to stop Magnus from making a comment.

“I know, we only properly met a couple weeks ago. But… well, it was a few days after I'd been away from college for a bit. Months ago. I had decided, by then, that no mark would be worth sacrificing my sanity, and it was scary but exciting, to be right in the thick of it by coming back to college,” Alec sounds a little more measured now, as if he's recalling his favourite bedtime story, and Magus has to admit that he doesn't know how he fits into the picture.

Alec's eyes are shining as he regards Magnus then. “And when I had walked into my first lecture with Luke in a long while, I saw you sitting there, in one of the seats,” Alec chuckles, as if the memory is fond. Profound. “You had glitter in your hair that day, and you were the only other one in the entire lecture hall that didn't have a computer. And I thought, he's gorgeous.”

Magnus really wants to speak, because _holy shit,_ this was not what Magnus had expected. And his heart lifts, at the thought of Alec seeing him. Thinking he was gorgeous.

“And we never actually spoke, but I could see it, so clearly. You’ve always been so confident, so unashamed, in who you are, and I yearned for that. I saw you, this shining glittering example to me, and I…” Alec scratches the back of his neck a little sheepishly.

“I guess you could say I had a little bit of a crush,” Alec averts his gaze then, glancing to the side as he laughs meekly. “But I never thought any more of it. It just confirmed to me something that I had intrinsically known about myself for a long time. But I never expected anything more other than seeing your gorgeous self every once in a while. I was content with that. And maybe the complacency translated to my laziness in coming out.”

Magnus is enraptured, listening to Alec's words intently. It's clear now, that Alec has been planning what he wanted to say, and he continues, even as Magnus is left wide-eyed and surprised by all the little revelations hidden in Alec's speech.

“But then Eliot happened. And I got to know you for real. And the crush just grew,” Alec sighs, looking down at his lap. “And this is the part where I apologise, for how I phrased how I spoke to you yesterday.”

Magnus should apologise. He wants to, but he's still not letting himself speak. Not until Alec is properly done.

The sincerity in his words are obvious, and Alec flicks his gaze up from his hands to smirk grimly at Magnus as he looks him in the eye. “I'm sorry, because you may be right. You're not a simple family member or friend. But that doesn't mean you're worth less, Magnus. You're special and different, and that means that you're worth _more._ That's why I came out to you first.”

Magnus is taking some deep breaths to try and calm his pounding heart, lest he do something ridiculous like launch himself right at Alec here and now.

“And I'm sorry that I was wrong. Because _this does matter._ You have no idea, how much it does,” Alec's smile is different then. It's soft and a little sad, tinged with regret. And for a moment, there's nothing but silence.

“I…” Magnus exhales quietly after a long stretched out moment.. “Alexander, you shouldn't apologise. I should. I overreacted and I freaked out, and I did what I always do - shut you out.”

“Magnus, no. I -”

“Alec, I am so sorry,” Magnus feels a sense of peace wash over him as he finally says that. “I never let you explain, and I just made assumptions, and then I acted like a dick, and I -”

“Hey,” Alec’s voice is soft, hushing Magnus quietly and stopping him from running his mouth until he runs out of breath. “Look, I’ll accept your apology, if you accept mine, ok?”

Magnus nods quietly. “Alright,” he sighs.

Something settles in Magnus’ chest for a moment. It feels heavy yet transient at the same time and Magnus doesn’t know what to call it.

“I’m really proud of you, for coming out,” Magnus whispers sincerely after a quiet moment.

Alec smirks, expression lighter than it had even been last night during karaoke. “Yeah, and they were all great. Even my dad, which definitely surprised me,” Alec chuckles, shaking his head a little at the memory.

Magnus leans forward, rubbing a hand over his face as new striking realisation hits him suddenly. “And I bet my reaction probably didn’t help. Oh fuck, I really am sorry, Alexander,” Magnus sighs. “I really am a piece of shit, aren’t I?”

“Woah,” Alec squints. “We’ve already gone through the apologies, Magnus. It’s ok. We’re ok. And you are _not a piece of shit,_ alright?” When Magnus doesn’t say anything to that, Alec scoots a little closer. Now, they’re shoulders are brushing, and Alec’s voice is quieter, softer.

“Can I just say something for a sec?” Alec asks, voice patient and his eyes wide and warm. Magnus doesn’t really know how to say anything to that, his expression a tad baffled as he nods. “It makes sense. Why you would assume the worst. With the life you’ve led, I guess you’ve had to learn to make split-second decisions about people. Keep a wary eye out. Be realistic.”

Magnus leans back a little in complete and utter astoundment. How did Alexander Lightwood get a read on him that easily in the span of a couple weeks? It’s crazy, how empathetic the guy is, how endearingly heartfelt he sounds as he speaks.

“I just want you to know, that I understand. I haven’t lived your life, but I can at least try and see where you’re coming from,” Alec finishes, a soft upturn to his lips as he searchingly gazes into Magnus’ eyes.

Gulping a little, Magnus reflects the expression back. “You’re amazing. Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus replies, and his small smile turns into a proper grin as he registers Alec’s responding chuckle. That weird feeling in Magnus’ chest dissolves, and only now does he truly feel at peace with everything, able to forgive himself for acting like an idiot.

Just then, Alec’s smile turns a touch more wry as he squints at Magnus. “Did you just call me amazing?” he asks, a joking enthusiasm in his words as he braces his hands back on the bed to lean back a little as he looks up at Magnus through his lashes.

“Well, I…” Magnus realises his mistake, and trails off in a way to try and deflect the conversation as his mind whirls to figure out how to divert Alec’s attention.

And that’s when Alec’s words from before truly register in his head, now that his mind doesn’t feel as muddled and his chest doesn’t feel as tight. Realisation comes crashing into Magnus in waves, like the relentless ocean along the shoreline.

_And when I had walked into my first lecture with Luke in a long while, I saw you sitting there, in one of the seats. You had glitter in your hair that day, and you were the only other one in the entire lecture hall that didn't have a computer. And I thought, he's gorgeous._

Magnus reflects on a shy Alec Lightwood, a clumsy person who dropped his phone within their first five minutes of properly meeting each other, and it dawns on Magnus that maybe, Alec isn’t as much of a klutz when around other people.

_You’ve always been so confident, so unashamed, in who you are, and I yearned for that. I saw you, this shining glittering example to me, and I…_

It comes back to him in startling clarity - Alec’s eyes bright when Magnus would make a cocky joke, or the surprising pride in his expression when Magnus would say something only half-intelligible. Or when Alec had asked all those questions about the LGBTQ+ society, and had held onto Magnus’ every word despite his attempts to appear uninterested.

_I guess you could say I had a little bit of a crush._

Had there been times, back when Alec was still just brunette boy to Magnus, when Alec’s gaze had lingered, or there had been something else to indicate how he felt? Before, Magnus never would’ve thought so, but now, he suddenly doesn’t know.

_But then Eliot happened. And I got to know you for real. And the crush just grew._

Magnus remembers Alec’s eagerness to meet to prepare for the lectures. How their sessions had turned into pleasant, into interesting, into downright fun study dates. Alec’s forthright compliments and reassurances about Magnus, about who he is. The giddiness dancing in his hazel eyes as they had sung terrible drunk karaoke together. And it hits Magnus, that the giddiness wasn’t derived entirely from the alcohol alone.

_You're special and different, and that means that you're worth more._

And Magnus thinks of yesterday, of an offered umbrella and a hushed confession in this very room. Magnus had been the first person Alec had come out to. The _first person._ The significance of that is definitely not lost on him.

With a jolt, Magnus realises that he feels the same about Alec. How else would he have had the confidence to share his past with Alec, to share all the broken little shards that make up who he is? Cracked broken shards that Magnus usually keeps so close to his chest, the sharpness digging into his own mind and heart in favour of laying it all on someone who'll just leave.

Except Alec didn't leave.

_This does matter. You have no idea, how much it does._

Have the signs always been there? Now that Magnus is thinking back through everything, maybe they were. Like Alec always being the one to make the first move - the one to initiate conversation, the one to suggest meeting, the one to ask for Magnus’ phone number. Or Simon’s comment about Alec talking about Magnus at the party. Or Alec’s genuine curiosity, from the very start, about Magnus. Who he is, what he works for, his dream.

It’s startling, the epiphany that rocks him on the spot, and even though it seems like lifetimes of memories and moments pass through Magnus’ mind, it surely only translates into him trailing off and remaining quiet for a couple of minutes as he thinks about his own little infatuation, and then reflects on _Alec’s._

Alec’s just smirking at him, as if expecting some sort of epic comeback or sarcastic comment that Magnus would usually opt to give in light of being teased. Instead, Magnus shakes his head to himself a little as he leans a little bit back as well, until he and Alec are looking at each other right in the eye.

“You… had a crush on me?” Magnus asks quietly, and the disbelief must be obvious in his voice. “Wait, _have?”_

That self-deprecating expression is back on Alec’s face, and he avoids Magnus’ gaze as he instead glances up at the ceiling. “And here I thought you were purposefully ignoring that part,” Alec sighs, but Magnus doesn’t know how to describe his tone. It’s almost like he’s already accepted defeat with a muted shrug in his shoulders. “I thought I was being pretty obvious, actually.”

Maybe he had been. Maybe Magnus had just been blind.

“For someone who’s so smart, you can be pretty dense sometimes,” Alec chuckles, but it sounds a little hollow.

“But… but how?” Magnus sputters, so clearly shocked by this very revelation. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” Alec sounds offended, as if Magnus insulted Alec instead of himself. He finally brings his gaze back to Magnus’ face, and he looks genuinely surprised. “You’re an inspiration, Magnus. I’m being serious. I really like you.”

Magnus is fucking stunned. And as the words finally settle in his head, the biggest grin begins to spread on his face. His little infatuation from the start seems to have just grown exponentially somehow, and now it finally rocks him, that Alec is _admitting he likes him._

And it hits him, that Alec is wrong, because Magnus isn’t the special one. No, it’s Alexander that is special. With his patient words and endearing smile. With his reassurances that Magnus has never heard from someone before, that Magnus is important for who he is, not for his achievements. With his way of opening Magnus up to the world in the span of only two weeks, of showing Magnus that there’s so much more to life. With his ability to make Magnus feel like this, with the highs and lows and the mundane moments in between in his life.

Clary was right. Alec makes Magnus feel like he’s _truly living._

But Alec is looking at a fixed point in front of him, in the direction of Maia’s bed across the room, so he must not register Magnus’ expression. “I’m getting the vibe you don’t feel the same way,” Alec sighs, and it seems like he’s pretty determined to keep his gaze away from Magnus’ face. “So, yeah, I’m sorry that I -”

He doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because Magnus grabs him gently yet quickly on either side of his face with both his hands, and closes the distance between them until they’re kissing.

Alec’s surprised gasp is swallowed by the action, and a brief moment of tension from surprise quickly melts as Alec kisses Magnus back with everything he has. There’s nothing but pure heart in the way their mouths move together, as Alec slowly opens his mouth to invite Magnus even closer.

The bed shifts as Magnus moves to bring himself closer to to Alec, holding onto him so tight, and giving everything he feels into his actions. He bites Alec’s lip and savours the delicious raspy soft groan that comes from the taller man. His eyes are closed, but Magnus feels Alec’s arms slip around his waist as they continue to kiss.

Eventually, they slowly separate, and Alec’s gorgeous lips are red and glistening. Magnus is entranced, and he moves one of his hands from the side of Alec’s face in favour of softly, reverently, touching those lips with the tips of his fingers.

“For someone who’s so smart, you can be pretty dense sometimes,” Magnus parrots back, and there’s no holding back the wide grin on his face. “Because, Alexander Lightwood, I really like you too.”

And then Alec is beaming back, more radiant than the sun on a blistering summer’s day, his grip around Magnus’ waist tightening in excitement. It’s ridiculously charming, how joyful his expression is, and Magnus’ head is spinning as everything really catches up to him. He almost can’t believe it.

“Magnus! You know it gives me the shits when you leave the door open like th-” A loud voice from the echoing hallway is cut-off, and Magnus shifts on the bed to spy Maia standing at the doorway, her mini suitcase in hand. She must’ve stopped upon seeing them on the bed, and her expression of unamused irritation is replaced with the biggest smirk Magnus has ever witnessed on that girl’s face.

They probably look a little bit tangled up, and Magnus internally sighs in disappointment as he feels Alec retract his arms. Instead, Alec quickly stands up, sticking out a hand in Maia’s direction.

“Hi, I’m Alec. You must be Maia, right?” Alec chuckles. Maia nods, an impressed look on her face as she reaches out with her free hand to shake Alec’s.

“That’s me. And you’re the guy who my roommate has been going on so many study dates with recently,” Maia smiles as they retract their hands. She moves further into the room, closing the room door with a kick of her foot, and lets go of the mini suitcase before putting her hands on her hips as she observes the two of them. “Or am I to assume that we’re going to strike out the word ‘study’ and just call them actual dates?”

The situation should be awkward, but Magnus can’t wipe the smile off his face, and Alec seems to be in the same boat as he chuckles shyly, and Maia’s words are teasing but sweet. He likes to think that Alec and Maia could be pretty good friends, even if he’s only observed a bit of interaction.

“If you want, I can go,” Maia offers with a tired smile, glancing at both of them expectantly.

“No, you just got back,” Alec and Magnus reply hurriedly at the same time. They glance at each other, Magnus’ eyebrow raised, before they both turn back to Maia. Magnus gets up from the bed, until he’s standing next to Alec.

“You’ve been on your trip for a few days, and you deserve the chance to rest,” Magnus emphasises, and Alec nods solidly in agreement. Almost a little experimentally, Magnus glances at Alec’s profile, before reaching out to gently tangle his fingers with Alec’s. Alec returns the grip immediately, looking back at Magnus with amazement and adoration shining in his eyes.

“We’ll go,” Alec finishes the thought, though they’re honestly only looking at each other. Magnus feels tethered to the moment, a combination of being the recipient of Alec’s smile, and the feeling of holding Alec’s hand gently in his own.

“Thanks lovebirds,” Maia cackles, but there’s something fond and sweet underlying her tone. But honestly, Magnus’ attention really isn’t focused on her at this point.

It’s just Alexander.

With that, the two of them quietly say goodbye, and leave Maia alone in the room, who’s already beginning to climb into bed for what Magnus assumes is a much-needed nap as he and Alec close the room’s door before they walk down the halls to get out of the dorms.

Their hands are still interlocked as they leave, and Magnus takes a greedy deep breath as he feels the sunlight on his skin. The two of them wordlessly begin to walk down the path, a path Magnus has walked many times before, past the greenery to get to the main part of the university.

And much like any other day that Magnus has observed as he's walked along this path, there are people milling about. The sky is clear and bright, there's laughter and sunshine mingling in the air, and Magnus sees students lying on the grass and people jumping with laughter. Yet, instead of feeling like he's only observing all this from behind some gray-tinged glass of foreign disconnection, Magnus feels as if he himself is in the centre of the picture. Walking hand-in-hand with the boy he likes. It sounds like a teenage cliche, but it feels so much more real and raw and sweet to Magnus in the moment.

“Did you mean it?” Alec's voice sounds hesitant, and now that they're out of the little bubble of Magnus’ room, he sounds shy.

“I wouldn't say I liked you if I didn't mean it,” Magnus turns his head away from the picture perfect day before him, to look at someone who somehow looks even more wonderful. Alec is glancing at his feet, brow adorably furrowed in uncertainty, but when he hears Magnus’ reply, he sees Alec's mouth turn up a little at the corners. The smile is sweet and almost private, a reflection of that wavering certainty, and Magnus wants nothing more than to make up for how he's acted and to erase any concern or doubt in Alec's mind.

“Go on a date with me,” Magnus’ words half-tumble out of his mouth, sounding far less eloquent than he had hoped. He _really_ is rusty with all this stuff now, isn't he. His eyes widen when Alec's head whips up in pleasant surprise, and his smile widens with certainty as he nods slowly.

It's a moment of ethereal beauty in its simplicity. A snapshot of the everyday humdrum of existence, suddenly brought to life in a raging technicolour explosion in the form of Alec's resounding grin. It's the simple acceptance at the offer of a date, and yet somehow, it feels like something entirely new and profound. As if they're both standing like this, hand-in-hand now, on the precipice of something that could stand to be pretty amazing.

Magnus is enraptured by the pure weight of his thoughts and the dizzying sight that is Alexander Lightwood's giddy expression.

Alec must interpret Magnus’ lack of an answer as something akin to confusion or stunned silence, for he just shakes his head a little, oblivious to the emotional storm swirling within Magnus here and now. “Yeah, I'd like that,” Alec verbalises the agreement. His smile turns a touch cheekier as he chuckles, “Let us go then, you and I.”

The intensity of Magnus’ thoughts shift then, and he barks out an incredulous laugh at Alec's joking expression that almost looks as if he's a little proud of himself for coming up with that.

“Prufrock quotes? _Really?”_ Magnus asks, shocked.

Alec shrugs. “Seems fitting. We only really met because of Eliot, so in a way, it makes sense,” the explanation sounds half-assed, and that makes Magnus choke on another laugh for a solid minute. And yet, their grip never wavers, as they continue to walk down the sunlit path.

“You’re such a nerd,” Magnus finally wheezes out, but there’s no real malice in his tone, only fond affection ringing in his words.

Alec exaggerates a gasp, trying to appear affronted, but the expression cracks in a mere few seconds, with his hazel eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughs. Tilting his head a little up to the sky, Alec glances upwards, swinging their conjoined hands a little more. It dawns on Magnus that this is probably something that Alec has wanted to do for a while - to just hold the hand of a guy he likes, in public. Simple as that.

 _I’m that guy,_ Magnus reflects giddily to himself. _The guy Alec likes._

“Says you!” Alec laughs, rolling his eyes as his grip on Magnus’ hand just tightens. “Besides, I know you love it.”

And Magnus feels light, as light as the joking lilt in Alec’s voice. His mind hurtles down a totally different path than just a few moments ago. It’s true, that this burgeoning relationship is profound, raw already in its newness, filled with an intense sense of possibility. But there’s also this - the light jokes and the subtle teasing and the strange sense of humour that they share. There’s a sense of fun and lightness, in relation to such newness, and Magnus marvels at how the idea of being with Alec simultaneously makes his mind spin with the intensity of his overwhelming feelings and his heart skip with the simple, almost childlike joy, that Alec gives him.

“You're right,” Magnus chuckles, voice low and soft. Alec tilts his head to the side a little, silently encouraging Magnus to continue. “I do.”

And it's so achingly simple, Magnus’ words. But Alec smiles, that smile where his mouth turns up more on the right side than the left, and Magnus thinks of _soulmates,_ and the word works.

It’s a baffling yet gratifying dichotomy, the depth of Magnus’ feelings for Alec. It only really registers to him now. There’s the unending possibility, the depth and the substance and the profound weight of their relationship, buoyed by the vulnerable words exchanged past 3am or the deep comfort and strength found within the words traded in the corner of Alicante’s library. And the other end of the spectrum is the joy and the giddiness and the lightness to who they are, strengthened by shitty literature memes or drunken karaoke adventures. This moment, with them joking casually whilst holding hands as they stroll along the path, is only a microcosm of the intricacies of Magnus’ feelings for Alexander Lightwood.

It's life. Because life is made up of the deep existential profound moments, but also of the fun jovial memories linked far more to emotion than true memory or thought. It's complicated and strange and can hit you all at once, but that's just how life is - just like Magnus’ feelings for Alec, life is unpredictable and can change so easily.

How is Magnus so deeply affected by this self-effacing guy that he's only known for a couple of weeks? Maybe it had all snuck up on Magnus, like all these feelings had crept slowly into his soul, whispering little hints of infatuation to him, until it all suddenly grew upon the sight of dazed hazel eyes and a scratchy voice trying to sing Lauv.

How, and why, is he so deeply affected? The answer is clear suddenly, as Magnus embraces the knowledge and the emotions all intrinsically tied up in his feelings for Alexander Lightwood.

Why does Magnus feel like this?

Because Alec makes Magnus _feel alive_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!
> 
> Only one chapter left (I think it'll act as kind of like an epilogue idk) and then we're done oohhh
> 
> Thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave a kudos/comment! Lots of love <3


	5. the faith and the hope and the love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They’re Alec and Magnus. They’re alive. And beautiful. And real. ___
> 
> __Magic milestones, brimming possibilities, and a lecture on Eliot._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo HAPPY NEW YEAR! Enjoy these nice tidbits of Magnus and Alec's lives together, now that all the angst is out of the way yay!!
> 
> #westanfluffymalec

* * *

_there is yet faith  
_ _but the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.  
_ _wait without thought  
_ _-_   **east coker**

* * *

“Magnus!”

“Coming!”

Magnus is scrambling, grabbing his things in a rush, trying to ignore the pointed look that his boyfriend is sending him from the room’s doorway.

“We haven’t got all day,” Alec says, and Magnus rolls his eyes as he snags his pencil case and chucks it into his bag. In a flash, Magnus is standing right in front of Alec, triumphantly slinging his backpack over his shoulder with nothing but a short smile. It looks like Alec attempts to keep the frown up, but much like the bracing rays of sun after an overcast day, his smile breaks through as he quickly ducks his head down to peck Magnus on the cheek.

With that, the two of them set-off, the walk definitely bringing Magnus to life a little more as he absorbs the usual sights of their walk. Laughing people. A dog or two on a walk. And Magnus, walking alongside his boyfriend, like they were always part of the equation. He feels like he’s part of an advertisement for the perfect college experience. You know, if universities were a little more progressive in their representation for said ads.

But real life is better than any commercial, and Magnus glances at Alec to remind himself of that. Not that he truly needs reminding. The sunlight bounces off of his hair, making it look a lighter brown than usual. His eyes are trained on the path before him, and Magnus notes every little feature of his face that he can, even if he’s only looking at Alec’s profile. An imperfect eyebrow. A slight smirk forever playing on his lips. The line of his jaw, or the way his eyelashes flutter when he blinks.

“I love you,” Magnus says. It’s the first time either of them have said it.

And no, it’s not an epic romantic moment. Not even close. There’s no symphony playing in the background, no rose petals along the pathway, no flowers or chocolate (though Magnus has learnt that Alec isn’t really a fan of either), and no preamble. No bullshit. Just this. An observable fact, just as true as the fact that it’s a Wednesday today.

It’s a Wednesday today, and Magnus is in love.

Alec’s eyes widen as he skitters to a halt, as if he’s mentally replaying the last 10 seconds on loop. Magnus stops too, glancing at him quietly. He doesn’t need Alec to say it back.

It had just felt right. It feels right.

“Say that again,” Alec whispers, hazel eyes wide and beautiful as they land on Magnus.

“I love you,” Magnus complies. “It’s Wednesday today. It’s freakishly sunny. I was running late this morning. And I love you. You make me want to embrace the world.”

“You’re my world,” Alec says immediately, as if this too is an observable objective fact to their universe. “I love you, Magnus Bane.”

And that’s that. It’s no heart-stoppingly romantic moment, but to Magnus, that’s better. It’s them, just like any other day, walking together from Magnus’ dorm to the university. Walking together, their tradition over the last couple months of dating whenever their schedules have lined up, with Alec always coming to uni just a few minutes earlier than necessary, just in time to pick Magnus up for their walk.

Except maybe it is a little heart-stopping. Because even though they’re not the kind of couple that is overly affectionate in public, Alec doesn’t waste a moment to swoop forward and tackle Magnus in a hug. And a crushing kiss that overwhelms Magnus’ senses and makes his heart stop just a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit.

With that, they’re walking again. And something has shifted, but at the same time, it hasn’t. They’re Magnus and Alec. They’ve been through shit, and they’ve both fought hard, and they’re still fighting hard, because no relationship is perfect. But they’re doing it. And they’re in love. Officially.

Magnus has a feeling that he’s been in love for a while.

By the time they make it to the lecture hall, it’s almost time to start. They’re the last two people to come in before the lecture officially starts.

Jace sees them and ushers them over to the rest of them with a wave of his arm. Jace, and Simon, and Isabelle, and they all smile up at Magnus and Alec as they approach. Isabelle is immediately shoving her laptop in Magnus’ lap, giddily pointing silently at a new eyeshadow palette online that has Magnus’ eyes bugging out of his head.

And wow, Magnus loves it. He loves this. Having people to sit with in lectures. Friends, as in, friends that weren’t there throughout his childhood, yet are friends nonetheless. Simon chucks a wad of paper at Magnus’ head halfway through the lecture, and he finds the contents hilarious.

It’s Simon, jokingly telling Magnus that he may need to watch out if he keeps making moves on Izzy.

Magnus rolls his eyes and manages to chuck the wadded paper right at the glasses’ lens in front of Simon’s left eyeball. Jace notices, and promptly subtly high-fives Magnus down low, in case Luke notices their behaviour.

Eventually, they all settle, and Magnus finds himself enraptured by whatever Luke says. It’s no Eliot, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

Feeling some ticklish sensation on his arm, Magnus whips his head around, only to find Alec, head bent in concentration as he doodles something on Magnus’ arm. The angle is weird, from the way they’re sitting, but Magnus figures out pretty quickly that it’s a lopsided version of a heart. The pen is red and looks a little washed-out on Magnus’ skin, but he looks at Alec in the eye and is startled by the brightness of his gaze.

With that, Alec leans forward, tantalisingly close, breath warm against Magnus’ ear. “We should thank Professor Garroway. Who knew he was cupid in disguise?”

“I don’t think that was exactly his thought process or intention, darling,” Magnus says back in the same volume. He’s just thankful that they’re not right at the front right now, and Luke looks far too engrossed in his discussion to really pay them mind.

Alec pouts up at him, bottom lip jutting out in exaggeration, and Magnus spontaneously decides that no matter what Luke is talking about, nothing is nearly as interesting as Alexander Lightwood.

~

Alec’s kisses are rough, tinged with sweetness, and heavy with intent. Magnus laughs breathlessly as he manages to wrench his shirt off.

He doesn’t care how many times they do this. It’ll always feel like a new riveting experience to Magnus.

Pretty soon, it’s both shirts lying on the ground, with Alec mouthing at his neck, constantly whispering things that don’t even make it to Magnus’ muddled head. But he moans at the feeling nonetheless, treasures every little thing that Alexander gives.

Magnus fumbles with the buttons and zipper of his jeans, shucking them off at an alarming speed that he’s surprised his underwear doesn’t immediately follow along. Alec mirrors the action, shoving off his own pants like they’re abhorrent in nature, and the two of them (not so) gracefully land on Alec’s bed in a mess of kissing and panting and want.

Alec’s touch where Magnus needs it most has Magnus seeing stars. The sensation is dizzying, and he almost feels like his eyes are going to roll into the back of his head or something. In response to the touch, Magnus reaches out dazedly, pulling Alec’s boxers off in one fell swoop.

Magnus’ touch seems to light Alec on fire, and he groans, this deep throaty rich amazing sound that Magnus feels is ringing in his head. He’ll never get over it. Over Alec, always making Magnus feel like he’s truly living, in more ways than one.

“Kiss me,” Magnus whispers, and Alec is immediately there, kissing and sucking and nipping, like Magnus is the water that Alec needs to quench his thirst. And Magnus kisses him back just as hard, because he loves Alec Lightwood, and he feels alive and beautiful and real when he’s with Alec Lightwood.

And when Alec enters him, and Magnus tries to relax, Alec just kisses him all over the face, in a way that’s nothing but soothing. And Magnus adores it, loves how soft and adorable the man is whilst simultaneously being inside of him. And when they start to move, and as they look at each other deep in the eyes until they’re kissing again, Magnus closes his eyes and he feels everything. Like the volume has been turned up.

Alec keeps hitting this spot that has Magnus’ eyes tearing up from how amazing it feels. And then he reaches out and starts pumping Magnus in time with his thrusts, and Magnus is babbling like an idiot.

“Alexander,” the name is drawn out, combined with a moan as one thrust hits Magnus pretty deep. “I love you, fuck. Fuck me harder. Don’t stop.”

But he doesn’t feel too much like an idiot, because pretty soon, Alec is babbling too.

“Love you, Magnus,” Alec says, panting from exertion. “Shit. Magnus. Love you so much. I’m close.”

“Me too,” Magnus whispers back, and he grabs Alec’s face, messily kissing him. It’s more tongues and teeth than actual coordination, their hips skittering and jerking as they approach their climax. But it’s them, and it’s rough and sweet and it’s just… them.

Alec groans, hips stilling as he yells out Magnus’ name. And Magnus follows him off the edge a moment later, a hoarse cry of Alec’s name escaping him as the world explodes in a single moment.

Magnus feels like he must knock-out for a couple minutes, because the next thing he notices is Alec, disposing of the condom before coming back to him with a massive wad of tissues. They both do a terrible half-assed job of cleaning up, before Alec climbs back into bed, wrapping the two of them in a blanket.

“You’re a sexy cutie,” Alec says, and Magnus barks out a laugh at that.

“You realise that’s a bit of an oxymoron, right?”

“Oxymoron? How fancy,” Alec chuckles, head lying on the pillow only millimetres away from Magnus’ head. “The two traits aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“You dork,” Magnus laughs.

“You love it,” Alec says, quirking an eyebrow. The eyebrow that got hit by a baseball when Alec was a kid. Magnus leans forward, suddenly compelled, and he kisses Alec’s eyebrow scar quietly.

“I do,” Magnus replies, sincerity shining through in his words and his expression. Alec’s teasing smirk liquifies, turning into nothing but pure adoration and love in his eyes. “And for the record, I reckon you’re a sexy cutie too.”

That has Alec laughing loudly, a bright happy laugh that sounds like Magnus’ dream.

And maybe that’s the magic to them. They have great sex. But it’s more than that. It’s the moments like this, after. Because even now, Magnus still feels alive and beautiful and real. Whether they’re making out, or hanging out in the lecture hall, or eating hot chips together, or lying in bed like this. That’s the magic of Alec Lightwood.

They’re Alec and Magnus. They’re alive. And beautiful. And real.

~

“Alec?” Magnus asks, blindly reaching forward. “What’s going on?”

He feels gentle hands nudging him forward, and Alec’s huff of breath. Magnus knows that sound. It’s the kind of sound Alec makes when he’s anticipating something but can’t fully express it. And so, he huffs.

“Almost there,” Alec whispers expectantly, and Magnus feels Alec let go of him for a second. A sound, like a door clicking open, reaches Magnus’ ears, before Alec is back, guiding him gently. The blindfold doesn’t offer much, but Magnus notices that the apartment (which he assumes is Alec and Izzy’s apartment) is dark, compared to the perceived brightness of the hallway.

Magnus almost trips over something, and Alec’s immediately there, grabbing him gently by the shoulder and elbow to stop Magnus from toppling. Magnus exhales in exasperation, and Alec just chuckles.

Finally, the two of them stop walking. Alec leaves again, and Magnus hears the sound of the apartment door shutting.

Magnus is about to ask if this is some sort of sex thing (and frankly, he’s not totally opposed to the idea or anything), when Alec says, “Alright. You can take off your blindfold.”

Curiosity builds within him, and Magnus rips off the blindfold. With that, the lights of the apartment flash on, blinding him for a moment, and he hears a chorus of cheers that sounds like a garbled version of “Congratulations!”

When Magnus’ vision has returned, he realises what’s going on. Everyone is here. Jace, Simon and Izzy. But also Raphael, Ragnor and Cat. And Clary. And there’s a bunch of balloons littering the dining/living area, because they live in New York, and apartments are cramped like that. And there’s a sign, tacked up to the furthest wall.

 _CONGRATULATIONS_ _MR._ _LAWYER MAGNUS BANE!_

Magnus has a feeling that Simon made that.

He turns, facing Alec, who has that shy smile on his face, like he’s worried Magnus wouldn’t like this.

“You did this?” Magnus asks, and he couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice if he tried. Alec bites his lip, nodding brightly.

“I’m not even a legit lawyer yet,” Magnus says, facing the whole group of them, but he sounds breathless with laughter. There’s a nice spread of food on the small dining table, and there’s a champagne bottle with his name written all over it on the table too. And everyone has the biggest grins on their faces, and Magnus seriously can’t even believe it.

“You got the transfer that’s practically impossible to secure, so you’re basically a lawyer already,” Jace says, and Izzy nods brightly in agreement.

Simon pushes his glasses up his nose, before he gestures upwards. “Like my sign?” he asks. Magnus nods. He knew it.

“We’re really proud of you, Magnus,” Cat adds, and it looks like her face could split from how widely she’s grinning. Everyone around him nods in agreement, and they all come to him then, rushing forward to give him hugs and whispering even more congratulatory remarks.

Clary is one of the last people to come up to him. It’s strange, thinking that she’s going to be entering her first year at college now. It feels like it was only yesterday that she was just starting out in high school. Her smile is bright as ever, as she crushes Magnus with a tight hug, and he squeezes her back with closed eyes and a dizzy smile.

“Mom and Dad really wanted to drop in, but they’re still in Ohio right now,” Clary whispers as she pulls back. “But they’re so proud of you, Magnus. We all are.”

He’s heard a lot of people say that to him over the past hour, but it’s still crazy to him that this is even happening. Of course, he’s strived for this for so long, but actually ticking off another item on his long to-do list is mind-blowing to him.

“I only found out I got it an hour ago,” Magnus says slowly, and Clary’s smile turns a little cheekier as she steps away and gestures to the last person - Alec. The man has the decency to glance up at the ceiling in an attempt to appear nonchalant. Magnus’ gaze focuses on his boyfriend, eyes narrowing a little. “And this sort of thing would’ve required at least a couple of hours of prep. Right, Alexander?”

As he speaks, Magnus slowly approaches Alec, and when he flicks his hazel eyes back to Magnus, there’s a myriad of emotions swimming in that gaze. Ultimately, Alec just smirks. “I knew you had it in the bag,” he says by way of explanation.

“What if I hadn’t got it? This would’ve ended up being real sad for me,” Magnus says, loosely gesturing at the celebratory set-up of the apartment.

“Operation ‘Fucked Up.’ Ditch the decorations, spring a dinner on you to make you feel better. But we all knew that you’d get it, Magnus,” Alec continues, glancing giddily around at the rest of them. Magnus hears murmured agreements, but he can’t look away from Alec. When their gazes lock once again, the joke in his expression shifts into something more intense, sincere. “You deserve it. You work so hard. So come on, let’s take this afternoon to relax, ok?”

Magnus can’t really say no to that, now can he.

With that, the whole group of them let out a loud cheer, Jace’s sounding more like a garbled cry of, “Finally. Food!” They all settle in. Jace, Izzy, Simon, Raphael, Ragnor, Cat, Clary, and Alec and Magnus. All of them cheer as Magnus pops open the bottle of champagne, and they laugh and chat and enjoy each other’s company over the servings of delicious food before them.

And Magnus thinks of the word _family,_ and it sticks. It truly does work.

A couple of hours later, everyone is just relaxing, people chatting in hushed tones, and a couple people seeming to doze off. Magnus is surprised that no one is making a move to leave properly. It’s actually getting pretty late, and surely none of them need to overstay their welcome in Alec and Izzy’s apartment.

Magnus stands up from the couch he’s on, excusing himself from a conversation with Clary, Simon and Ragnor, before spotting Isabelle. He begins to approach to ask if she may need help in clean-up, but her mouth is already moving by the time Magnus makes it to her, still sitting in her dining room chair. Jace is in the seat next to her, and he honestly looks dead to the world, eyes closed as he leans awkwardly on the chair’s back.

“Magnus, I need to ask you something,” Isabelle says quietly. Her words are a little slower than usual, but Magnus has seen her in far worst states, and is surprised that she didn’t drink more. She usually does, often providing the best entertainment. Drunk Izzy is a delight.

“What’s up? Did you want help with clean-up? Because it’s getting late and everyone is still here and -”

“No!” she says, cringing away, and Magnus tilts his head in surprise at the strong reaction. She just shakes her head, before she continues. “I was actually going to ask if you could do me a favour?”

“Ah, sure,” Magnus replies. “What’s up?”

“I’m a little cold. I was wondering if you could really quickly grab a jacket for me from my room, please?” Isabelle asks. “I would, but I literally have such a food baby right now.”

Magnus squints at her, but he laughs a little. He can’t help but wonder why she couldn’t have asked anyone else. Why not ask Alec? Alec is her brother and her roommate and -

Glancing around, Magnus notices that Alec isn’t anywhere in sight. _Must be in the bathroom,_ Magnus surmises.

With that, Magnus nods. “Any specific jacket? Or -”

“Just, anything Magnus.”

The reply is rushed, maybe even a little curt, but Magnus just nods. Probably a combination of tiredness and alcohol. With that, he sets off down the small hallway that offshoots from the dining/living area connected to the kitchen.

He passes the bathroom that also serves as a laundry room, and notices the door is closed. Yeah, Alec must be there.

He also passes Alec’s bedroom. He’s definitely not a stranger to that room.

The room at the end of the hallway is the room Magnus has been in the least, in all his visits to Alec and Izzy’s apartment. Isabelle’s bedroom. Usually when he hangs out with Alec, they’re in Alec’s room, or if he’s hanging out with everyone in a group scenario, they stay in the main living area. Of course, there have been times where Isabelle wants to show Magnus some new makeup she’s got, or an outfit that no one else in their little group will really appreciate.

Magnus jolts when he thinks about that, hand hovering over the doorknob. Holy shit. He got the transfer. No, he got an _early_ transfer. Even better than what he’d expected. And that means that he’ll be doing a different course instead of doing the final year with Jace, Izzy, Simon and… Alec. Of course, their lectures and tutorials don’t always line up, but when they do, it’s always fun. At the very least, one person from their little huddle will be with Magnus in something, and he’s amazed at how comfortable he’s grown with that idea.

He used to abhor the idea of sitting with friends at college. Now, he can’t imagine going back to sitting alone in law lectures.

But he shakes his head to himself. Everything will be fine. They’ll still hang out and Alec is still his boyfriend. Magnus still finds lots of time to spend with Raphael, Ragnor and Cat, and none of them share courses or anything. It’ll be alright.

Magnus nods to himself, and he makes it a mission in his mind at this moment. Another thing to add to the to-do list. He’ll be more open in his new course. He’ll try and make new friends. Try not to sit alone. Try and follow Alec’s example, and live a little more.

With this resolution in mind, Magnus pushes forward, hand closing over the doorknob as he pushes the door.

He’s met with the sight of the most bare-bones room he’s ever seen.

There is literally nothing on the shelves, desk, drawers or vanity. No fancy highlighters from the expensive stationery store. No textbooks scattered around. No clothes on the floor. No makeup brushes. Literally nothing.

The bedspread is different too. It’s simple, white and navy block colours, and Magnus’ eyes widen in total confusion.

What the fuck?

He highly doubts he’ll find anything, but he checks the wardrobe nonetheless, and he’s not surprised to find that there’s nothing but empty hangers here. They swing a little, jarred by the movement of the wardrobe door, before Magnus quickly shuts it again.

Is this a prank of some kind? Genuinely, Magnus has no clue what the punchline is. He’s a little confused, because where the hell is Izzy’s stuff? What happened to her room?

“Isabelle! Is this some sort of joke?” Magnus calls as he opens up the bedroom door again. “What the f-”

Magnus clamps his mouth shut when he notices that Alec is standing there, just in front of him, in the hallway.

“Is there something going on? What kind of prank is this?” Magnus asks Alec instead, because Alec is Izzy’s brother and they share this apartment, and surely he must know something.

Alec shakes his head, amusement clear on his face, but Magnus notices the slight twitch in his hands, one of them balled into a fist.

“Isabelle’s room,” Magnus tries again. “It’s -”

“It’s not Iz’s room, Magnus,” Alec laughs. “It’s a guest room. Unless you want to make it into a study or something. I guess that would make sense, what with you becoming a lawyer soon and all.”

“Unless… me… you mean, I -” Magnus’ mouth stops working, as it finally dawns on him.

 _Where is everyone?_ Magnus thinks for a brief moment. It’s amazingly quiet, because Magnus’ mouth still doesn’t know how to function.

Alec must take that as his cue, because he lifts his one balled hand until it’s right in between them, and slowly uncurls his grip. And there, sitting in his palm, is a small silver key, and any thought about the others promptly flies out of Magnus’ mind.

“That is, if you want to move in with me in the first place,” Alec whispers, hazel eyes boring into Magnus’ own, gaze earnest and searching.

And Magnus almost chokes on his breath, shock radiating from within his chest, unable to tear his gaze away from Alec. His wonderful Alec, with pure intent in his expression, uncertainty playing on his features. As if he actually fears that Magnus will say no.

That brings a smile to Magnus’ mouth, serene yet buzzing with excitement. “How could I possibly say no to that?” Magnus replies, and he notes the doubt on Alec’s face slowly but surely shift, until Alec is grinning hard as he looks back.

With that, Magnus takes the key from Alec’s hand. Of course, in typical Alec fashion, because he’s always a sucker for practicality, there’s also a little flashlight, and because Alec is also a sucker for something a little more goofy, there’s a keychain. Magnus is about to lean forward to read what the small oval keychain reads, when his gaze is brought back to Alec as he cheers, head turned, “He said yes!”

And as if appearing out of thin air, everyone else materialises in the hallway. No one looks asleep now, not even close, and they all cheer and clap and laugh and _holy shit,_ Magnus doesn’t think this day can get any better.

They all make their way back to the living area, and the party is somehow renewed, despite the late hour.

Simon comes forward, holding out the sign from before. Except, he makes an overt show of flipping it, and that’s when Magnus reads the other side of it.

_CONGRATULATIONS ALEC AND MAGNUS!_

Magnus laughs a little giddily at the sight, and he understands now why no one had decided to leave early.

With that thought in mind, Magnus squints as he approaches Isabelle, and her eyes are wide as she notes the comical suspicion in Magnus’ expression.

“So, the jacket, and the food baby, was a set-up,” Magnus surmises as he looks at Isabelle. In response, she rolls her eyes, in a way that seems so eerily similar to Alec, and Magnus can easily see that they’re siblings, in that moment.

“Well, to be honest, it’s not like the food baby was a lie,” Isabelle laughs. “But you needed an excuse to go to my old room, so… yeah.”

“Wait,” Magnus holds a finger up, brain trying to play catch-up. “So you haven’t lived here for how long, then?”

“I moved in with Simon a couple weeks ago,” Isabelle says. Magnus’ eyes widen.

“And you guys never bothered to tell me?” he replies, incredulous.

“Actually, I told them not to tell you,” another voice enters the conversation, and Magnus isn’t surprised to find Alec smiling sheepishly as he comes up to him and Isabelle. “It sort of worked out perfectly.”

Magnus tries to narrow his eyes in Alec’s direction in an attempt at mock irritation, but the attempt doesn’t last long. In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more he melts. “You planned to ask today. The day I’d find out about the transfer,” Magnus pieces together out loud, and Alec nods a little proudly at that.

And there’s no other way to respond to that than to rush forward, and Magnus hugs Alec tightly against him, like he never wants to let go.

He never will.

~

“You won’t believe what the next topic for the syllabus is,” Alec’s first words as he enters the apartment has Magnus chuckling.

“Good evening to you too, darling,” Magnus says from the kitchen, stirring the stew he’s making in a pot as he sees Alec enter. Almost on autopilot, Alec smiles, walking forward and planting a kiss on Magnus’ head.

“That smells so good,” Alec sighs as he plops his briefcase on the kitchen counter. “Lucky me. I married the best cook in the world.”

“Oh fuck off,” Magnus retorts playfully. They both know that neither of them are stellar in the kitchen. He likes to think this stew is smelling better than most things he’s tried to make, but honestly, he has no genuine clue.

“Anyways, what is this mysterious topic for your syllabus that has you so excited?” Magnus questions as he closes the pot, to allow everything to simmer for a bit. Alec hums as Magnus moves over to the kitchen oven, setting the timer for the stew. As Magnus turns around to face Alec, who’s now sitting at one of the stools at the kitchen island, he notes a little bit of nostalgia cross Alec’s face.

“T.S. Eliot,” Alec replies slowly.

“Of course,” Magnus replies, feeling a little nostalgic as well. He really can’t help it. “Well, as Alicante’s hottest and smartest professor, I’m sure you’re going to do just fine.”

“Hottest _and_ smartest, huh? Such high praise,” Alec says, voice low, and he leans forward, forearms braced on the kitchen island.

“Well, _I_ think you’re the hottest and the smartest,” Magnus laughs, putting his spoon down and placing both his hands on the edge of the kitchen island opposing Alec, leaning forward as well.

Alec laughs too, giddily, and he closes the minute distance between them and kisses Magnus, hard. Magnus kisses back, as fiercely as he can with the strange position they’re in, and he can’t help smiling into the kiss.

So many years together, and Alec still makes Magnus feel more alive than ever.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” Alec says when they break apart for breath, though they’re still alarmingly close to each other. His face looks a little more serious, maybe even a bit hesitant.

Magnus’ brow furrows. “What’s up?” he questions quietly.

“I know that your hours at the firm are intense, and feel free to say no to this,” Alec prefaces, gesturing a little. Magnus likes to think that Alec has developed the habit as a consequence of his job. “But I was wondering if, maybe, on one of your days off soon, you would like to come along to work with me. Help in doing an Eliot lecture. Since I know the guy is your emo idol, and all.”

Magnus scoffs. “Emo idol? No, he’s just my _regular_ idol,” Magnus jokes. Alec chuckles, but Magnus knows he hasn’t answered the question, and pretty soon, Alec is looking at him expectantly.

Alec isn’t wrong. There’s been some very prominent - and public - cases recently at Edom’s Law Firm, but it’s honestly not too intense. Magnus likes the idea of going back to the University of Alicante. He hasn’t seen Alec work properly in a while, and Magnus also wouldn’t mind rambling about Eliot for a while.

And yeah, Magnus is caught up in the nostalgia of it, most of all. Thinking about how doing a lecture on Eliot brought them together in the first place just makes Magnus feel giddy at the concept of doing it again.

That’s why it’s incredibly easy for Magnus to say, “I’d love to come along, Alexander.”

~

College used to be simultaneously the best and the worst place for Magnus Lightwood-Bane.

Now, as Magnus walks the once-familiar path that weaves through the lawns of the pristine landscape of Alicante, he can’t help but find his memories of his time here as fond. College was, and always will be, a bit of a whirlwind blur. A time of change, of growth, of meeting new people, and making connections.

He glances at Alec then, who’s checking if he’s got everything he needs in his briefcase right now.

 _Yeah,_ Magnus thinks. _Connections._

They’re heading over to, of all the lecture halls, the very hall in which they first properly met. All those years ago, back when Alec was just brunette boy, and Magnus was just alone. Alec’s lecture starts in about half-an-hour, but they have to go early to set up the projector and go over everything.

Magnus can’t help but feel a little nostalgic.

“Funny, huh? We’re back here, doing another Eliot lecture together,” Magnus muses aloud. Alec flicks his gaze up from his briefcase, blinking slowly, before he nods with a small smile as well.

“Thanks again for agreeing to come along,” Alec chuckles.

“I should thank you. It’s not like I can spiel about my love of modernist poetry at work or anything,” Magnus retorts playfully. “I bet you’re going to break a million hearts today, though.”

Alec’s brow furrows adorably. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re young for a professor, and the hottest person in existence,” Magnus says casually, as if he’s just breezily talking about the weather. “And then you’re going to come in today, with your husband. I can feel the heartbreak already settling in.”

Alec hesitates, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck with his free hand, averting his gaze a little. “Actually, I don’t think that’s going to be the case. I… talk about you, quite a lot.”

That makes Magnus’ eyes widen, and their steps slow, only just a few feet away from the locked doors of their lecture hall. Something about the sheepish admission and the delightful blush colouring Alec’s cheeks touches Magnus deeply, and he reaches out with one hand to lightly touch Alec’s shoulder as he leans up to plant a quick kiss on Alec’s rosy cheek.

“Good things only, I hope,” Magnus murmurs quietly, and despite the bustle of college life surrounding them, he knows Alec hears him when he smiles wryly.

“Only the best,” Alec mutters back, matching Magnus’ volume.

With that, Magnus leans forward and properly kisses Alec on the mouth. It only lasts a moment, because they’re in public, and he doesn’t want to be seen as indecent or anything, but it seems like a lifetime passes before they separate and open their eyes again.

Alec takes a slow step back, and begins to walk over to the closed doors of the lecture hall. Magnus spies him fumbling as he searches his briefcase for his keys. He sighs loudly after a moment of searching, turning back to Magnus.

“Hey, did I give the keys to you or something?” Alec asks, an edge of panic in his voice as he comes back. Magnus reaches into his pocket, his hand catching metal, and he brings out a giant lump that looks like three sets of keys all squashed together.

Alec immediately fishes out the small set of keys for the arts lecture halls, smile easily returning as he flashes a thumbs up in Magnus’ direction before making his way back to the locked doors. Magnus makes a motion to put the rest of his keys away again, when his eye catches on something.

A keychain.

It's one of Magnus’ favourite little possessions, and even though they just moved recently to a new apartment, Magnus kept the keychain that Alec had given him on the day they first ever moved in together. It's oval-shaped, and it features a picture of them, laughingly caught in a candid embrace, with words overlayed on top. A quote.

And funnily enough, it's from T.S. Eliot of all people.

Magnus reads it again, just as Alec swings open the doors to the lecture hall.

“Magnus?’ Alec's voice brings Magnus’ gaze up again. And there he stands, holding the door open and looking at Magnus expectantly, a smirk playing on his lips. He looks like Magnus’ life, and he sounds like Magnus’ world, and he is everything to Magnus. Alexander Lightwood-Bane, the best thing that's ever happened to Magnus.

Magnus used to think that college was simultaneously the best and the worst place for him. But now, he knows better. College was incredible. Because he met his wonderful Alexander here, with his trademark stubbornness, with his bumbling charm, and with his ability to make Magnus want to live his life.

As the words of T.S. Eliot from that little keychain swirl in Magnus’ mind, he steps forward, the words constantly playing on repeat, as he approaches the light of his life. And he thinks of how true it is, how accurate Eliot had been, now that Magnus has Alec in his life.

_Love is most nearly itself, when here and now cease to matter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLESS THIS FIC FOR ACTUALLY HELPING ME GET THROUGH STUDYING ELIOT OMG.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this little story! Feel free to drop a kudos or a comment. I'm going to post the first part of a new story very soon so subscribe to my user if you want? Anyways, happy holidays and have a blessed 2019 everyone!


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